


They Might Call It Treason (I Call It Love)

by AzureMist



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Ableism, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Bisexual Owada Mondo, Bullying, Byakuya and Makoto are mentioned to be dating but it's not enough to go into the ship tag, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gay Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Homophobia, Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pride Parades, She/Her Pronouns for Fujisaki Chihiro, Trans Fujisaki Chihiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:02:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27256141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzureMist/pseuds/AzureMist
Summary: In which Kiyotaka has deep-rooted internalized homophobia, Mondo is bad at emotions, and the two of them lean on each other while existing in a world that hates them.
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo
Comments: 56
Kudos: 441





	1. Zemblanity (Kiyotaka)

**Author's Note:**

> Do y'all mind if I just motherfuckin' uhhhhh *VIOLENTLY PROJECTS ONTO MY COMFORT SHIP*
> 
> Nah but seriously. This chapter is going to be the heaviest, emotionally (which is kind of odd for the first chapter), so please bare in mind that it will get lighter from here!
> 
> Some warnings for this: I use the f-slur and the r-slur uncensored. Both of them are slurs I can reclaim. Also, I use the q-word that some people don't like as a blanket term for the LGBT+ community. Lastly, it's not super duper graphic (so I didn't put the 'violence' warning thing), but there is a scene where Taka gets kinda beat up near the end. Stay safe!

**_Zemblanity (n.) The eventual discovery of what we'd rather not know_ **

* * *

Kiyotaka had always felt an odd disconnect from other people. It felt as if, sometimes, they were on another planet. It did not feel as if there was a glitch in other people; instead, it was as if they were all on a completely different system. Or, rather, Taka himself was functioning on a completely different system.

He didn't completely understand what the word 'autism' meant, when he was diagnosed at four years old, even after his father had attempted to explain it to him quite a few times. Most of what he understood just boiled down to Taka being different. It was not other people who acted odd and could not socialize properly. It was him. He was the anomaly. Which was difficult to accept, but at least he had his explanation as to why he was the way he was. Why he felt that disconnect from the 'allistic' norm. ('Allistic' was another word he didn't completely understand, but he was fairly sure it referred to the people who expected him to be working on the same system as them.)

That was why Taka was different. Nothing more to worry about, regarding that.

* * *

Before the Ishimaru name was disgraced, but after Taka's autism diagnosis, Taka was sent to daycare during the day until he could go to school. He kept asking his mom and dad why, but they never gave a proper answer. (Taka learned, when he was older, that the two of them were going to group meetings for parents with autistic children, as they wanted to learn how to be better parents to Taka, now that they knew he was different.) It was mildly higher-end; they could afford that, at the time, with Taka's grandfather successful as he was in politics.

The other children there were all around his age, and, although the others often saw him as 'weird', they were still nice to him. These were the days when you asked someone their name, their age, their favorite color, and if you could be friends, in that order, and then you would be friends.

Taka was glad to have so many friends. (Even though most only really seemed to tolerate him in a kind manner.) Sometimes, he wanted to hold his friends' hand, like he saw the other children do. And with his friends that were girls, it was like second nature to grab their hand, even when the other children teased him about 'cooties' (which, after a thorough amount of research, Taka concluded was not real). But… With his male friends, it somehow felt different. He would reach, then jerk his hand back at the last second, his face burning with… Something.

He thought other boys felt the same way, and that was why the boys were never as affectionate with each other as the girls were. He thought all boys experienced what Taka did. He thought boys looked at Taka like he looked at them.

(They didn't.)

* * *

In elementary, rumors were circulating about his grandfather, but, at the time, Taka payed no mind to such things. To him, the most important and dramatic thing in the world was the daily whisperings between the boys in his class about the girls they would kiss. Normally, he was not invited to such conversations. He was not an outcast, but he was not friends with the other boys in his class. But when the entire 'boy's table' was chatting about a certain topic, Taka was included.

After the table stopped 'ooh'ing at the newest revelation (Koki apparently would kiss Yua, given the chance), Koki turned his gaze to Taka, trying to get the heat off of him. "What about you?"

Taka looked up from his worksheet (he felt as if he was the only one working, somehow). "What _about_ me?"

"What girl do you want to kiss?"

Taka furrowed his eyebrows, and looked up at the ceiling, letting a soft 'uh' drone from his mouth as he thought, shifting each option in his mind considerably. Did he want to kiss any of the girls in his class? The action seemed mostly pointless, to him. Fairly unsanitary. He didn't understand why other boys wanted to kiss girls so badly, but he figured he would grow into it.

Eventually, he settled on, "I do not want to kiss any of the girls in our class," before looking back down at his work.

"You serious?"

"I am always serious."

"Well, what about… Uh, celebrities? Characters? Girls outside of class?"

Taka considered that, as well, pressing his pencil's eraser to his lips, before ending on, "I do not think I would enjoy kissing any girls. I do not find the idea appealing."

The other boys gave Taka a look; a look that he got when he had said the wrong thing in a social context. But his answer was the truth, so he quickly and lightly scolded the other boys for chatting instead of working on their assignment, before diving headfirst back into his own work. It was a lot of effort to care about behaving in a way that other people wanted him to, which was all the more effort to put into his studies.

* * *

A girl approached him around a week later, while Taka was on his own, by himself in his own corner of the playground. She sat next to him in the dirt, and Taka looked at her and away from his current book. He saluted. "What is it that I can help you with?"

Taka didn't recognize her; she must have been from another class. She tucked a strand of her red hair behind her ear. "I'm just worried for you, is all," she said in a quiet, caring voice.

"Why would that be?" Taka briefly wondered if this is about the whispering adults have been doing around his grandfather lately.

"I think that you seem kind, but you seem oblivious, too, so I wanted to tell you that… I believe some boys are getting the wrong idea about you. And spreading around those wrong ideas about you."

"Do not worry! I will report it to the teachers immediately!" Taka planted his hands into the ground to try and stand, but the girl gripped his shoulder, and kept him down.

"Just…" She shook her head, before tilting it, in a concerned expression. "You're… Not one of _those_ , are you?"

Those?

Taka didn't know what 'one of those' meant. What were 'those'? It was so vague, but this girl had said it as if she had expected Kiyotaka to understand what she meant. Would it be rude of him to attempt to ask for clarification? If he did, would she even bother to answer, or just get frustrated?

Taka took a leap of faith, and replied with what he _hoped_ was the correct answer. "No, I am not."

That seemed to be what she wanted to hear, because the girl sighed and placed a hand over her heart, as if relieved. "Good… It's like I thought." She reached over and gave Taka's shoulder a squeeze. "I know that you're worried word will get back to your crush, but if you want this rumor to end, just trust me and say you want to kiss a girl when the conversation comes up again. Any girl."

Taka nodded slowly, feigning understanding.

The girl stood up suddenly, and brushed off her skirt. "That's all. Feel free to tell the teacher."

Kiyotaka did tell the teacher, which lead to an animated PSA about spreading rumors being shown in class. During the PSA, two boys next to him were whispering about their mutual crush on what Taka had gathered was the most popular girl for boys to like.

She was pretty. Nice enough. She played video games and did a lot of boyish things, although she did not have much in common with Taka in particular. Somebody like that would be a good partner.

Yes, he did like her, he decided. And he whispered as much to the two boys talking.

"I like Mei, as well, but that is no excuse for talking during class!"

* * *

Kiyotaka didn't know it at the time, but he had lied. Because he was _one of those_. Ever-shifting, trying to hide from the world and himself. A dangerous, predatory monster hiding behind talk of 'morals', and 'traditional values', and about girls who he had convinced himself he had crushes on but felt nothing more than friendly companionship for.

But none of that was conscious.

Not yet.

* * *

Middle schoolers were demons.

Kiyotaka did not like that he thought of them that way; he did not enjoy the word 'hate', and 'demons' didn't feel like much of a step up. But, compared to the easiness (if not slight isolation) of the daycare and elementary, middle school children were terrifying. It felt as if many of Taka's middle school classmates were just barely hiding their devil tail when they heard the name 'Ishimaru' being used for Taka, with the scandal fresh on the news.

Actual demons, with an ability to tell who was different. They could tell he was 'wrong in the head' and picked on him for it, even _before_ they had seen him with the special education teacher.

They also had some sort of sixth sense for sniffing out queer kids.

Even before the queer kids knew it themselves.

* * *

Taka heard a homophobic slur thrown at him before he knew what the word 'gay' meant.

"Hey, fag!"

Taka turned around to see he was blocking someone's way in the hallway. Before he moved out of the way, he corrected the boy. "My name is Kiyotaka! But you may just call me Taka!"

"Yeah, I know."

"Then why would you call me something that is not my name?"

"God, you're so retarded."

Now _that_ was a word Taka was familiar with, and he bristled in his spot, although he did not lose his posture. "That is a very rude word, and is considered a slur!"

"No shit." The boy seemed to be out of patience for Taka to move, so he just shoved him aside as he walked. As for Taka, he went straight to the principal's office.

As he found out from talking with her, the word 'fag' was also very rude. She assured him the boy would get into trouble, and, if anybody else called him that word, they would be, too. Taka thanked her sincerely.

* * *

That plan had apparently backfired, because, after that rude boy (Ryusei, he learned) got in trouble, he was even more cruel to Taka than before; purposefully seeking him out to hurt him. Along with his small friend group.

And while Ryusei and his friends had stopped calling him 'fag', they had picked up 'cig'. Which, after a glance at the dictionary, Taka understood was because 'fag' was also slang for 'cigarette'. Calling him that word without using the word itself; following the rules, but both parties knew exactly what they meant by it.

They never did things that either Taka could report, or they didn't have plausible deniability for. But they tormented Taka nonetheless, and Taka couldn't do anything but stand strong and take it.

Demons.

* * *

There was a time, shortly after his grandfather lost his job, that Taka's father couldn't afford to keep Taka around anymore. Taka's mother had left, and his father was searching for a new job after losing his current one. Although he never outright said that he couldn't afford to keep Taka, the food portions and shut off electricity didn't lie.

Taka offered to move out, to his middle school's free dorms, to help with the financial burden, and it made him want to be sick. He hated lying. But he was burdening his family, so this was the correct thing to do. He was even more sure of that when he saw his father's relieved expression, and how quickly he agreed, without a single question about Taka's odd story.

There were no dorms, of course. Taka was fairly sure middle schools couldn't have dorms, and that it was a high school thing. But he could stay at his middle school. They served breakfast and lunch there, there were water fountains, and the library had a sofa. He knew that librarian let kids stay in the library after he left work, as long as the kids promised to lock up when they left.

This was fine.

* * *

Taka quickly took notice that one other student liked to regularly stay past the librarian leaving. A boy that the librarian called Asashi stayed in on Tuesdays and Thursdays, appearing to complete his homework there before reading books until 8pm on the dot each day. Sometimes, he'd throw a glance to Taka on his way out the door, with a motion that Taka was pretty sure meant, 'are you coming'? Asashi must have been fairly perplexed that Taka never left the library before he did, Taka imagined.

Over the last year of middle school, Asashi shifted from only rarely looking at Taka to see if he's leaving, to looking at Taka in general, with an expression that Taka couldn't quite read. It read as familiar, but he wasn't sure what emotion was behind it. He eventually decided that it was most likely a friendly curiosity, and, as such, when Asashi shot him that look one day, Taka spoke.

"What do you need from me, Asashi?"

Asashi seemed shocked Taka had spoke, his posture tensing before slouching again at his table, looking over to the couch where Taka was reading. "Nothin'. You're just always here. Tryna figure you out."

"You do not have to do that when you could just ask me questions!" Sometimes, Taka wondered if autistic people were really the ones who socialized oddly, when allistics had all these rules and roundabout ways of communicating when you could simply confront a person.

As such, Asashi seemed surprised by this suggestion, but went along with it. "Alright. Uh, why do ya stay here past when I leave?"

"I just stay later than you do! I have lots of work to do, and I enjoy reading." Not a lie, but it still makes Taka feel guilty.

"Yeah, duh. But… Why do you stay so late?"

"I like it here!" Still not a lie. "It's better than home." Edging closer to the truth.

Asashi chuckled. "Yeah, I'll bet. I've seen your family's stuff in the news."

"Do not worry about that! Before either of us know it, the Ishimaru name will be redeemed!" Taka puffed up his chest in pride.

"Right," Asashi said, in a tone Taka was not familiar with.

"What about you?"

"It's just easier to do homework here than it is at home. Tuesdays 'nd Thursdays, my little cousins come over to visit. They're loud."

"I see!" Very pleased to see how this conversation hadn't fallen into silence yet (as most tended to do with students in his grade), Taka gave a wide grin. "Do you need any assistance with your work?" he offered, hoping to extend this interaction. (It had been so long since Taka had a kid his age he was on a positive basis with.)

The other boy waved his hand nonchalantly. "Nah. I'm a little confused about some of it, but-"

"Then allow me to assist you!"

"I don't need any help."

"Then I would like to do my homework next to you!"

Asashi gave Taka another look he couldn't grasp, before sighing, and motioning to the chair next to him at the table. "Go nuts."

* * *

Sometimes, now, when Asashi finished his work, instead of reading, he would talk to Taka, and that made Taka giddy with happiness. Finally, his first friend in middle school! Although it had taken until his final year there, it was still elating. Taka liked everything about his new friend. The way he would extend certain syllables when speaking, his permanently half-lidded green eyes, and his blue-tinted black hair that he would often comb to one side. He found himself eagerly awaiting Tuesdays and Thursdays, and he practically exploded with a greeting whenever he saw Asashi walk into the door. He knew he was overeager, but he couldn't help it! This was his first friend in a long time.

(And that was why he couldn't get Asashi off his mind. No other reason.)

During the last month of school, though, Asashi proposed something.

"Taka, we're _beeesst_ friends, yeah?"

His face flushed with happiness (and nothing else). "Of course we are!"

"Then if you… Ya know, broke any _rules_. You could tell me, yeah?"

"Do not worry, Asashi, for I have been very careful to not break any rules! I am a very dedicated member of the morals committee, after all! So do not worry about me getting into any trouble!"

"Well, maybe ya should."

Taka recoiled; a move that he knew was likely seen as overdramatic by the other boy.

"I’m serious. It's liberating. Ya can't be perfect every second of every day."

"I may not be able to be perfect, but consciously breaking a rule is not something I would enjoy doing. I would not even know which rule I would break! I find your suggestion disagreeable."

"Come _oooonnn_. It's like, a bonding experience or something. A secret between two dudes."

Taka gave pause to that, his eyebrows furrowing. He sort of… Enjoyed that idea. A secret for him and Asashi to share. Even if he was repulsed by his own consideration of purposefully breaking a rule, just to break it.

He looked at his friend carefully, searching for what few expressions he has memorized the meaning of. His eyes dropped to Asashi's mouth, seeing if it's curled up or pressed into a tight line…

A thought slipped out, getting past Taka's hundreds upon hundreds of subconsciously self-imposed filters, surprising himself.

_I really would like to kiss him._

Which is such an odd desire to have. Yes, he _could_ kiss Asashi. It was physically possible. But it would just be an action with no meaning behind it. Empty. It would not be out of love or romantic affection, as only a girl and a boy can kiss and have it mean something. (If it would be devoid of meaning or romance, then why is his heart in his throat?) (Because he's confused by his own thoughts, that's all. Don't think about it too hard.) (Taka had never been very good at not thinking about things too hard.)

After being silent for what was probably too long (and looking at Asashi's mouth for that amount of time, as well), Taka replied, hesitant. "I suppose that I could… Break… One rule. As a secret for us."

Asashi pumped his fist in the air. "YES, dude! So, what's up? You gonna smash something up?"

"What? No!!" Taka shook his head firmly. "That would not be liberating, that is just delinquency! A _small_ rule."

Asashi sighed, disappointed. "Dude, you're no fun. What's the small rule?"

Taka's heart was in his throat again, and he tried to swallow it down. "Ah, public displays of affection on school grounds."

"Lame. But fine." Asashi extended his arms. "Want me to give ya a squeeze or something?"

Taka felt ridiculous, trying his best to script this interaction on the spot as he glanced away. "No, not exactly."

"Then what?"

Taka fidgeted with his hands for a moment, until he was done running through the outcomes in his head, and he looked at Asashi with some sort of determination. "I do not fully understand why, but the purpose of this is being liberating, so I will give in to these desires I do not comprehend! I would really like to kiss you!"

Asashi made yet another expression Taka did not understand, but he is fairly certain he catches some surprise in it. "You for real?"

"I am always 'for real'!"

"Yeah. Shoulda figured." Asashi huffed. "Alright, if this is what it takes to get ya to loosen up, you can give me one smooch."

Taka tried to not look too elated, but he wears his heart on his sleeve, so he doubts he succeeds in masking his excitement. (He's elated because of the adrenaline of breaking a rule, that's all.) At the obvious realization Asashi was not going to initiate, Taka tentatively placed his hand on the back of his friend's head, like he was afraid of touching him incorrectly. And, a stark contrast to how nervously he had done that, he quickly moved closer to Asashi, not wanting to lose his nerve, to press their lips together.

Taka vaguely registers that this is his first kiss.

He's not experienced and he has no idea what in the world he is doing, but, for whatever reason, that doesn't make him nervous. He's taking mental notes, as diligent with this as he is with any other subject he decides to study. Taka doesn't notice how Asashi freezes up and how his fists clench, like he truly is just putting up with something he hates. He's too happy to notice.

Because, sometime in between the endless harassment and bottomless terror of middle school, Taka found a small, secret moment to be himself.

* * *

On his way home from the final day of middle school, a few weeks later, Taka is greeted by Asashi, and a few other boys; the first time Taka had seen him outside of the library. Taka lit up, and waved to the small group. "Good evening! I hope that you are all looking forward to your vacations! May I assume this is a friend group of Asashi's?"

"Yeah," one of them says flatly.

Taka nodded. "Wonderful! I hope we can all get along, seeing as Asashi is my good friend, as well!"

"Really?"

That was Asashi.

Taka felt a sharp pang of of cold worry, but he brushed it off. "Really! I am your best friend! You said so yourself, do you remember?"

Asashi lifted a hand to his mouth, holding back a chuckle. "Dude, ya seriously believed that shit?"

Taka froze.

"Are ya sarcasm-deaf or somethin'?"

His hands started to shake.

"Ya just plopped down next to me one day and made yourself an annoyance. Ya wouldn't chill out and leave me alone."

He felt dizzy.

"Thought I could try and get ya to fuck up and break a rule, do a favor for Ryusei."

_Ryusei._

"But all ya wanted to do was make out with me."

_Oh no._

"Couldn't get ya to break a rule bad enough to report ya, but I learned that Ryusei's intuition was right."

_Don't say it, please don't say it, please-_

"You _are_ a fag."

_Fuck._ That was a word Taka tried to stay away from, even in his head, but it was all he could think. He glanced around at Asashi's friends, but they don't seem shocked. Asashi told them beforehand. About that... Moment. Where Taka thought... He was finally _safe_ -

Who else had Asashi told?

His friends were approaching him. They weren't on school grounds. The school year was over. They couldn't get in trouble for this. The threat of being reported wasn't going to hold them back now.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK._

He naturally tried to dart away, but one member of the group grabbed him by his backpack and pulled him back, then onto the ground. He shut his eyes tight, bracing himself as he tried to get up over and over, but was kicked or punched back down each time, until every bit of his body ached and he couldn't tell what was sweat and what was blood. The cherry on top was the immediate sensory overload; with the kids beating him up screaming as they hurt him, which rendered him even more helpless than he would have been in any other scenario, as he felt the intense urge to cover his ears rather than defending himself.

And he _could_ defend himself. He was strong, but he likely couldn't take (how many of these kids were there?) 5 or 6 people at once. And even if he could, he quite disliked fighting, even in self-defense. Even still, his legs frantically kicked, getting in contact every once and a while; with one of the kid's faces, at one point, he thinks. And he also punches where he can manage it, doing a sufficient amount of damage with that, too. But, for the most part, the sensory overload lent him much weaker than he would be under normal circumstances.

The words he _could_ manage to register stung bad, and, even when he started to go numb from the pain, the red-hot _shame_ pierced through his chest over and over again. That part of this incident never numbed or let up, even after it had ended hours, weeks, months ago. The shame was always fresh and debilitating.

_You kissed a boy, you freak._

After some time passed (Taka is not quite sure how much time), he heard another voice; a new one; and he tried to focus in on listening again.

"-Ay, ay, ay! Whadda HELL do you lot think yer doin'?!"

If Taka thought Asashi sounded rough around the edges, this man's speaking pattern was like sandpaper. And... It _was_ a man, and not a child like them, as he learned almost immediately after. He opened one eye to see a large, rather buff man pulling Asashi's friends off of him, and they seemed tiny in his arms.

After the other kids stopped trying to get at him, the man huffed, running a hand through his large black hair. "Christ, ya kids got a lotta energy. Love the energy, _not_ the homophobia. Go punch a punchin' bag or somethin', shit."

Slowly, Taka sat up, still dizzy, until he was shifting onto his feet and standing up, along with the rest of the group.

"So, what we're gonna do is we're gonna let Red Eyes get a head start on 'is way home, an' then you lot are going to go to yer homes. An' _then_ , you lot are gonna fuck off an' leave this kid alone. Got it?"

Taka is mildly surprised to see the group mumble a clearly displeased, "Got it," in return, and he wonders if they agreed because they were satisfied with the damage they had done to Taka, or if it was because this strong, intimidating man was giving them a look that could kill. Probably both.

The man laughed. "Good!" He slapped Taka on the back, and Taka was glad he hadn't been hurt too badly there. "A'ight, on yer way, then!"

Taka stood up straighter than he already stood naturally, and quickly saluted the man. "Yes, of course! Thank you very much, sir!" He adjusted his backpack on his shoulders before quickly walking away, not wanting his assailants to see him running away from them.

Not very far on his way away from them, Taka turned a corner and passed a boy, who he thought was his age, but it was hard to tell. The younger boy was very similar to the man, in stature, hairstyle, and intimidating energy, and he was standing in such a way that it was clear that he was listening or watching the confrontation from around the corner, and, judging by the two motorcycles parked next to each other, had stopped when riding with the man.

Taka stopped his fast-walking, and paused, making eye contact with the boy. He had planned on saying something when he had stopped. Something like, 'I can actually defend myself; I was merely overwhelmed,' or, 'who is he?', in reference to the man with black hair. Or even, 'I'm not what they said I am. I simply made a mistake.'

But, somehow, it died in his throat. He was tired. So tired.

The boy's eyes were violet.

Taka thought that something clicked when they silently stared at each other, but he refused to think about it, quickly turning back to his journey home, just as fast as he had stopped.

(He knew what had clicked. They recognized each other. Not in the 'I know you' sense. But in the, 'I am like you,' sense.)

(But if he admitted that, he would have to admit what he had seen in that biker which he had identified with. And he wasn't. He didn't. _He couldn't_.)

(He simply made a mistake.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna let my ADHD hellbrain not finish this, guys! Expect a new chapter... Uh... In a week? Yeah, a week is reasonable.
> 
> Also, uh. Comment if you wanna! I don't respond to comments, usually, because I have social anxiety and an inability to accept compliments, but they mean a lot!


	2. Reticence (Mondo)

**_Reticence (n.) A reluctance to express one's thoughts or feelings_ **

* * *

In a perfect world, Mondo would have been able to come out to his brother before he died.

... No, actually, in a perfect world, Daiya wouldn't have died in the first place. Obviously. And then Mondo would have come out when he naturally would have, and he would have found out all the things about Daiya relating to the subject of queerness that Mondo wondered about on occasion; the answers of said questions having died along with Daiya, in this world. Hell, maybe in that idealistic universe, Daiya would have later picked up on Mondo's first really intense crush, and teased him about it in that obnoxious but clearly affectionate way Mondo had seen him do with his gang members. He would have been around for Mondo to introduce his first significant other to him.

But it's not a perfect world, and Mondo had killed Daiya before they could do any of that shit Mondo saw in cheesy coming-of-age films that he loved to mock to his buds as he watched, but would remember late at night when he _wasn't_ crying because _he was over this, and strong people didn’t cry at into their pillows at 4am, dammit_.

At the very least, Mondo could find a bit of comfort in the fact that Daiya had almost certainly figured it out by himself.

* * *

Daiya had seemed to know that Mondo liked boys for as long as Mondo could remember; which means he _didn't_ remember what had actually tipped Daiya off to it in the first place, which was infinitely infuriating. Daiya showed he knew in the small ways; the earliest one that Mondo could remember being when he, Daiya and their mother (back when she was still in the picture) were chatting about something or other in the car, and, when their mother had said, "Your wife will _love_ that," as a loving jab at Mondo's penchant for picky eating, Daiya had added on, "Or husband," then had quickly changed the subject so their mother couldn't correct him. Like he was almost... Protecting Mondo from any sort of expectations in regards to sexuality. (And as much as Mondo would absolutely _love_ to laugh at the thought of needing protecting... To be fair to himself, this incident happened when he was around 8.)

Looking back on it, Mondo wondered if Daiya was like that just because he was an ally, unrelated to anything with Mondo, and he actually _didn't_ know his brother was queer? Or if Daiya was actually queer in some way himself, which is not only why he was able to pick it up in Mondo so easily, but also why he cared so much about assumptions regarding sexuality and casual homophobia? Or did he only start to care about those sort of things _after_ he realized his little brother liked boys? (Whenever that was.)

Mondo probably thought too much and too hard about the subject. It didn't matter Daiya's complete motivation, in the end. He likely just wanted to make sure Mondo's life wasn't any harder than it had to be. Because Daiya was just _a good goddamn brother_ , and that's all that mattered.

... Fuck.

* * *

In the end, Daiya couldn't manage to protect Mondo from everything, even though he _did_ try to.

Some time in either late elementary or early middle school, Mondo had gotten into a fistfight with another boy; which, by itself, wasn't a surprise. Mondo had been a feisty, short-tempered kid practically as soon as he could talk, and that, combined with God-awful impulse control, didn't leave much hope that he would be a ‘model student’.

At this point of the parent-teacher meeting, the teacher herself had her head in her hands, exhausted, while Daiya sat behind Mondo and the other boy's mother sat behind her child as the two boys shouted accusations at each other.

"He called me a wuss!" Mondo exclaimed, jabbing a finger in the direction of the kid.

" _He_ called me ugly!" the other boy shot back.

"After _he_ said my hair was stupid!"

"Well, _he_ said _my_ hair made me look like a faggot!"

All of the adults in the room jumped slightly at that, as if snapped to attention by that word. Mondo furrowed his brows at that response, looking from the teacher to the other kid's mother to Daiya, looking for someone to explain the reaction. When his eyes landed on Daiya's, his big brother put a hand on his shoulder.

"Where did'ja learn that word." Daiya said it like a statement, not a question.

Mondo could practically _taste_ the fear and tension radiating off of the other boy, while Mondo himself simply kept making eye contact, expression unchanging. He wasn't scared of Daiya; not like a lot of kids are scared of their parents.

And he knew Daiya could make compromises. So Mondo tilted his head lazily towards the other boy. "Can I get my earful when we're _not_ in front of the chump?"

Daiya lightly hit Mondo on the top of the head; not enough to hurt. More like a slightly strong, singular pat than anything. "Ay, what we're _not_ gonna do 's start another _fight_. But yeah, whatever."

And unfortunately, Daiya did _not_ forget about the subject over the course of the meeting, as Mondo had been half-hoping. As soon as they returned home, Mondo had tried to scamper off to his room, but Daiya grabbed his shoulder before he had gone too far. "Kid, you're not off the hook yet."

Mondo tilted his head back and groaned overdramatically, before turning to face Daiya, crossing his arms. "I didn't know that it was _that_ bad of a word, _okay_?! I said that like, a bajillion times!"

Daiya rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I _know_ that'cha didn't know, which is why I'm asking where ya got it from."

Mondo looked more so above Daiya's shoulder than at Daiya as he thought, furrowing his eyebrows. "Uhhhhhhh... One'a your friends."

"Which one." Again, Daiya said that more like a statement.

"The one with the hair like... Like..." He made a vague motion with his hands next to his head, signifying spiky hair. "Ya know?"

"Th'one with brown hair?"

"Nah, black and purple."

"Got it." Daiya did some quick finger guns at Mondo. "A'ight, that's it. You can go to yer room and pout now."

"I was _not_ going to go pout!!" Mondo exclaimed, most certainly pouting as he said that. But still, he took Daiya up on the offer, going back to his own room.

Mondo never saw the gang member he described hanging out with Daiya after that, and he didn't know if he was kicked out of the gang, or just not allowed around Mondo anymore.

* * *

For the most part, Mondo grew up in an environment where being gay was a normal thing. Daiya and Daiya's company were all self-identified punks, which was a _very_ queer community (apparently), so Mondo often heard phrases like, "Her girlfriend," or, "His boyfriend," tossed around regularly like there was nothing odd or taboo about it. In that sense, if Daiya's ultimate goal was protecting Mondo from the expectation for him to be straight, he'd succeeded. Mondo had managed to figure out he was queer by the time he was 13.

Queer in... Some sort of way.

Because for all the words Mondo heard being said like they were nothing out of place; gay, straight, girlfriends, boyfriends, queer, closeted, pride...

One word Mondo never heard was 'bisexual'.

That was probably why Mondo stayed in the closet for so damn long, even _when_ he had figured out he wasn't straight at a young age, and even _with_ the _ridiculously_ accepting upbringing. Because he didn't know what the _hell_ he was; some sort of weird, broken, confused _something_ who couldn't _chose a damn gender_.

With the knowledge he had later, when he looked back on it all, he wanted to smack himself in the face, because he was _ridiculous_ about how he went about it all. When he saw a pretty boy, he thought, _Okay, got it, I'm gay._ Then he'd go through the whole thing of getting used to the idea, getting comfortable with it, and then, sometimes, actually think about coming out. But always, before he'd started to properly plan it, he saw a pretty girl, and thought, _Oh, wait, no, I definitely like girls. I'm not gay._ And by the time the next pretty boy came around, it would have been long enough for Mondo to get used to identifying as straight, and he would have to start the whole damn process of getting used to calling himself gay all over again, in an endless, incredibly stupid loop.

Christ.

But the thing that was weird about it all was that, no matter if Mondo thought he was straight or gay at the moment, he never _felt_ any different. His feelings for whatever gender he had currently decided he fancied versus the other gender felt the same. He felt gay but also straight. But also neither gay or straight, at the same time. His feelings were a _mess_ , and he hated to think, much less _talk_ , about his feelings. So he was left trying to untangle his whole mess of 'what the ever-loving fuck _am I_ and what the fuck do I _feel_ ' by himself, in short intervals, so he wouldn't freak himself out.

Maybe if Mondo had gotten over his dumb something-or-other complex about masculinity and vulnerability and shit long enough to actually _talk_ to someone ('someone', he thinks, as if he doesn’t know it wouldn't 100% be Daiya) about everything he felt, maybe Daiya could have been the one to introduce him to the word 'bisexual'.

But that was in that perfect world, and instead, Mondo found the word during a 3am Google search of 'gay and straight at the same time' in an Incognito tab, on a hot, restless summer night. After Daiya was long gone.

In the end, the closest Mondo came to telling Daiya was the day that he met the kid with shame in his eyes so intense that it overshadowed the red.

* * *

Mondo and Daiya were on their way to meet the other Crazy Diamonds in a different place than the usual; more far out from their house. After a short while, the two of them stopped by a convenience store, deciding to grab some sodas for no real reason other than they were thirsty and felt like it. When they were walking that short distance from where they'd parked their bikes at the side of the roads and the store, though, both of them immediately picked up on screaming from behind the corner; near what Mondo had so eloquently dubbed in his mind 'the poor kid school'. The second Mondo tuned in to try and understand what the kids were yelling about, he flinched in secondhand hurt, then immediately tuned back out.

Christ. He'd never even _heard_ some of the words they were using in real life before (as stupidly nerdy as that sounds); just knew about 'em from what he _thought_ were 'overdramatic' scenes that showed homophobia in movies. The ones that made Mondo roll his eyes at and scoff. Nobody actually _cared_ about that shit anymore. Nobody got bullied for being gay nowadays.

Well... Apparently, judging by what he was hearing, he was pretty damn wrong. And this wasn't even that far from their apartment, too...

Daiya glanced at Mondo. "Ay, hol' up here for a sec, would ya? There ain't no teachers 'round here this time 'a day."

Mondo knew what Daiya was saying. If he didn't intervene, there were no other adults around to help whatever poor person the others were beating on. He shrugged loosely and vaguely waved Daiya along, feigning enough uncaring to, hopefully, not come across as someone overly-invested in this situation.

The second Daiya's back was turned to him as he stormed over to the groups of boys, Mondo peered around the corner, watching the confrontation with sick curiosity.

"AY, STUPIDHEADS! Get OFF the kid!" he heard Daiya snap, in that 'scary' tone that made practically everyone except for Mondo flinch. "Ay, ay, ay! Whadda HELL do you lot think yer doin'?!" He went to grabbing the other kids by the back of their shirts to pull them off the other boy on the ground. (Was the boy laying down covering his ears? Didn't he have more useful things to do with his hands when he was having the shit being beat out of him??) Judging by their size compared to Daiya, Mondo could loosely assume they were all around his own age, although he couldn't tell with the boy on the ground at the moment; he had his back to Mondo and was curled up tight.

When he had managed to get all the dumbass bullies off of the other kid, and to _stay_ off the other kid, Daiya huffed. "Christ, ya kids got a lotta energy. Love the energy, not the homophobia. Go punch a punchin' bag or somethin', shit."

Mondo snorted.

The boy who the other kids who had been beating on finally, _finally_ stood up, even though he shook. He looked so much _smaller_ on the ground than he was when he stood up. Though that probably had to do with the fact that he stood up as straight as a ruler, even after going through being literally kicked while he was down. Resilient as all hell.

"So, what we're gonna do is we're gonna let Red Eyes get a head start on 'is way home, an' then you lot are going to go to yer homes. An' then, you lot are gonna fuck off an' leave this kid alone. Got it?"

'Red Eyes' was probably the victim, right? Mondo tilted his head, trying to get at an angle where he could see the kid's face, and he could easily pinpoint that the kid's eyes were _extremely_ red the second he got a small glance. The color practically screamed at you, it was so intense.

The group said something, but Mondo could assume they agreed, judging by Daiya saying, "Good!" He slapped Red Eyes on the back, and Mondo flinched from secondhand pain, wondering if Red Eyes had been bruised there. "A'ight, on your way, then!"

This absolute dork fucking _saluted_ his brother. "Yes, of course! Thank you very much, sir!" he exclaimed, in a loud voice and somewhat monotonous voice.

Mondo caught himself thinking, _Christ, if he acts like that all the time, he's practically_ askin' _to be bullied,_ but he shook his head slightly, dismissing the notion. That was a shitty thought to have.

When he saw Red Eyes turn to leave, he immediately dipped back over the corner before he could see Mondo watching his personal shit like a Saturday night drama. He practically stomped as he walked, though, so Mondo could hear him coming closer without even having to look.

He glanced over when Red Eyes passed him, expecting him to pay Mondo no mind, but the kid glanced back at Mondo, the parked bikes, then Mondo again. Then he came to a full stop.

Mondo stared at Red Eyes, expecting him to say something. Red Eyes stared back.

Now that Mondo could get a closer look at him... Fuck, he'd been beat up _real_ bad. What he thought was just a pink-red pattern on his clothing was just... Blood soaking into his otherwise clean uniform. And, even though said (dorky) uniform covered most of his skin, what little Mondo _could_ see had the beginnings of bruises.

Red Eyes stared, and Mondo stared back.

The shame in his expression was what struck Mondo the most about him. Shame too sharp and pained for those... Accusations (what the fuck do you call what they were screaming at this kid?) to not be true.

If it was a perfect world, Mondo would have said something, and told Red Eyes everything he needed to hear. Some sort of cheesy monologue to cheer up the hero after an equally cheesy, over-the-top scene of them being hurt. He would know what to say to Red Eyes because he knew he was bisexual, he was out to his brother, and knew what someone like Red Eyes would need to hear. He would have put a hand on Red Eyes' shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly, like the gang did for him sometimes.

But this wasn't a perfect world, and Mondo couldn't comfort people for shit. So when he locked eyes with this kid, with an aura of feeling _ashamed_ and _scared_ surrounding him so intensely Mondo almost choked on it, he just stayed silent, his train of thought stopping in its tracks.

So, Red Eyes, bruised and beaten for something that Mondo was all-too familiar with, ran off without a word.

Mondo considered following for about half of a second before he felt a big hand clap onto his shoulder, and he didn't even have to look to know it was Daiya. "So! We should pro'lly get those sodas, yeah?"

And they should. So they did.

They couldn't exactly drink soda while on the road, so they leaned on the wall outside of the store, sipping their respective favorite brands in comfortable silence.

Once again, it struck Mondo how this wasn’t that far from his and Daiya's apartment. And, for the first time, Mondo thought, _Damn. Daiya protected me from... A_ lot _of shit._ His problems suddenly seemed so stupid, compared to whatever the hell Red Eyes was putting up with. The poor kid probably _despised_ himself, and couldn't come out because _he'd be in physical goddamn danger_ if he did _,_ while Mondo was driving himself up the wall about being both gay and straight at the same time.

Not really thinking about it too hard, Mondo muttered out, "Thanks," to his brother, in between sips.

He could feel Daiya's eyes on him for a second, but he refused to look back, and he refused to explain what he was thanking Daiya for. Because he'd die before he admitted that not only had he allowed someone to protect him, but he was also _thankful_ that they had.

He didn't know if Daiya got what he meant. He just said, "S'nothing!", before going back to drinking.

Immediately, Mondo's mind provided him with, _It's everything!_

He didn't say that.

He just took the last sip of his soda, and crushed the can in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you notice that I struggle a bit attempting to convey Mondo growing up in a good environment, that would be because this is the chapter that is not based off of my own experiences. Kiyotaka's chapter was easy for me, because I grew up in a homophobic environment, but, for Mondo's chapter, I just had to ask my friends in more accepting places their experiences, and attempt to convey them here.
> 
> Like last time, expect the next chapter in a week!


	3. Koi no Yokan (Platonic)

**_Koi no yokan; love at second sight (v.) A Japanese phrase describing the feeling when you meet someone who you don't love right away, but who you know you will inevitably fall for_ **

****

* * *

The first day Taka was going to be going to the prestigious Hope's Peak Academy; the place where it's said your bright future is guaranteed if you go to, where all students are the best at what they do, _that_ Hope's Peak, yes; he was almost late for his first class. He slammed the door open to the classroom, completely subconsciously, but that lead to all eyes being on him, and the heat he had managed to gather in his face from stress only got worse.

Thankfully, Taka was always quick to recover from embarrassment, and he gave a quick salute to his new classmates and to the teacher. "Apologies for almost being tardy! I assure you, you will all not find it happening again!"

The teacher tried to explain that most teachers and students who hand out tardy slips on the first few days back were rather lenient, given how students (especially students who transferred in from other high schools, like Taka had) would have issues finding their way to their classrooms in a large building they could easily get lost in (again, like Taka had). But Taka wasn't having any of it, simply apologizing a second time before sitting down at the front of the class. He wasn't going to allow himself to accept any extra lenience just because he was new here. After all, from what he understood, everyone else in this class was new here, too!

Thankfully, he needed no such thing, as class started less than a minute later.

However, after a few minutes, someone else came in, and Taka perked up, half-relieved that he wasn't the latest, but mostly just appalled that said... _Delinquent_ (and did his appearance ever fit the role of a delinquent) just walked into class and plopped into a seat near the back, without so much as a word.

After the teacher had given the students an 'okay' to a small period to get to know their classmates, Taka stood up, and promptly walked over to the delinquent in the back, slouching at his desk as he talked to the redhead next to him.

Taka tapped his shoulder to grab his attention, before pulling out his pad of various slips that he had gotten from the principal, pencil in hand. "Name?"

"Huh?"

"Your name!"

The delinquent propped his head up with his hand, giving Taka a bored look. "Nunya."

Taka nodded and wrote that down. He heard the redhead snort. "Last?"

The other boy smirked. "Business."

Taka frowned and erased what he had previously put as his name as the two boys snickered. "This is hardly a laughing matter. Name."

The delinquent rolled his eyes dramatically, gave a look to his friend, then looked back to Taka. "Mondo Oowada. We done here?"

Taka wrote down that name, and how late he was, before handing the slip to Oowada, who simply stared at the paper with a lazy expression of anger. "Uh, dude, I d'nno if you know the rules 'round here, but 'm _pretty_ sure they don't have out tardy slips on the first damn day."

"Watch your language," Taka scolded, narrowing his eyes. "And it's a decision to be made by the person giving out the slips. So, here." He opted to place the slip on the desk instead of waiting for Oowada to take it.

"What the hell, man?! Ya can't give me a break on my first class of my first day?"

"Language," Taka simply stated again, before turning back to walk to his desk.

****

* * *

Taka felt a few flecks of paper being flicked at the back of his neck, and each time, he naturally reached and smacked at the paper like it was a fly, before realizing what was happening and turning to look behind him. Oowada smirked every time, and even had the audacity to give a tiny little wave once.

Eventually, Taka just did his best to ignore it, no longer trying to glare Mondo into submission. It wasn't as if he could give him detention without someone either reporting him or Taka catching him in the act, anyways.

It was his first day, and it seemed like he'd already made an enemy. Looked like Oowada had whatever sixth sense the students at his middle school had that was needed to sniff out the disabled kids to pick on.

****

* * *

"Oh!!"

Mondo glanced up when someone stopped in front of his desk, still during the first month of school. One of his classmates had gotten up to sharpen her pencil while the teacher was out of the classroom to print some worksheets... Fujisaki was her name, wasn't it? He followed her stare down to his wrist, and he jumped a little when he noticed that he had a bi pride pin stuck in his sleeve.

"Aw, hell, how long's that been there?" he groaned, reaching to try and get it out, so he could shove it in his pocket. He knew that would imply to this 'Fujisaki' chick that he was ashamed or some shit, but it was people who stared like she did who made him feel like that, so, fuck her. If that made her feel guilty, good.

"Ah! Wait, no, I didn't-!" She waved her hands in front of her chest, eyes wide and panicked, and Mondo stopped picking at his pin long enough to look at her again with a raised eyebrow, quiet while she tried to talk. He figured he'd scare the chick off if he tried. "I mean, uh, I'm not... I'm not mad, or anything like that!! I like it! Uhm..." She looked down at her hands, fidgeting. "I mean, I have one a bit like it? I guess? Uh, it's not the same exactly, but- it has similar colors! There's no purple... Instead, there's white!" She looked back to Mondo anxiously, with a tiny grin, apparently hoping Mondo would understand.

Mondo furrowed his brow. He was no stranger to the concept of telling someone 'I like your item with your pride flag on it' being code for 'I'm queer too', which meant the colors Fujisaki was describing was probably her own flag, right? He ran vaguely through the ones he knew in his mind. Pink, blue, and white...

"Ah!"

Fujisaki's grin got wider when she saw that Mondo was now smiling back at her. "Hell yeah." He held out a fist for a fistbump. "Me callin' you a chick okay?"

Fujisaki stared at it for a second, before hesitantly bumping it with her own fist with a tiny giggle. "Ah, yes, it is. That's how I prefer to be thought of. Thank you for asking, Mondo."

Before Mondo could call Chihiro her own first name back, and make a joke about 'not being the only queer kid in school', both of them practically jumped out of their skin when they heard the hardass from the front bark out, "Fujisaki, if you are not going to be doing anything but conversing, please return to your seat immediately!"

Chihiro squeaked out of embarrassment, before scurrying back to her own desk, forgetting to even sharpen her pencil like she had originally stood up for. Mondo went to give Ishimaru the death-glare of his lifetime, but he was already turned back around. Mondo huffed, and just started tearing apart a piece of paper to flick at Taka during the rest of the class.

_He was probably more pissed off about Chihiro and I’s topic of conversation than he was that we were 'conversing,'_ he theorized to himself, bitterly.

****

* * *

That incident seemed to spark a back-and-forth, of sorts, between the two boys.

A few days later, basically the second Mondo had thought of it, he had Leon (who was sitting closer to Ishimaru than Mondo was) take one of Ishimaru's pads of detention slips out of his pocket, which Mondo pocketed himself. And, thank fuck, because he could _finally_ curse in class without Ishimaru shoving a detention slip down his throat, so long as he stayed out of earshot of the teacher (who, by all means, could give him detention, too). It visibly drove Ishimaru _insane_ that he couldn't hold his power over Mondo, or anyone else's, heads, and Mondo reveled in it. Best math class ever.

That, though, despite everything Mondo knew about the hardass, made him actually do some shit _back_. But of course, it was still under the guise of 'following the rules'. But everyone _knew_ Mondo wouldn't park his motorcycle where bikes were supposed to go. Not only was that space for _bicycles_ , not _machines_ , but it was also extremely common for people to fuck with the bikes there, and Mondo was NOT about to risk that with his motorcycle. The spaces where you were supposed to put the bikes were also too small, and would scratch up his motorcycle, for sure. So he kept it parked and chained off somewhere else, where you couldn't easily find it.

So, yeah, when the damn thing was MISSING when Mondo went to ride home, obviously he freaked the hell out. Ran around the school looking like a goddamn freak for a solid while, before he ran into Ishimaru, who, when he heard Mondo barking questions about someone handling a motorcycle, all-too-innocently asked if Mondo had checked where all the bikes were parked. Which Mondo promptly went to. Dragging Ishimaru along, obviously, because that was suspicious as hell.

And confirming Ishimaru’s suspiciousness was his motorbike, haphazardly shoved into one of the bike racks. Mondo actually let go of Ishimaru to check on it, and got exactly what he had feared; multiple deep scratches. And when he turned back to Ishimaru to scream at him, the _fucker_ smiled, but with a tiny glint of mischievousness. "You're welcome."

Mondo had screamed his ears off about that for a solid few minutes, but what was most infuriating was that Ishimaru wasn't scared of him. He just looked at Mondo blankly, occasionally having the gall to ask, "Are you done yet, Oowada?"

After his fourth time being asked if he was 'done', Mondo yelled, "I WILL be done if you tell me why the FUCK ya messed with my EXPENSIVE MOTORBIKE when all I did was fuck with yer PAPER!!"

Ishimaru raised his eyebrow, like it was obvious. "Because you're a coward, Oowada."

Mondo took a breath to explode in Ishimaru's face, but he just kept talking, not done. "That's why you took away my slips. You don't want to deal with the consequences of your actions! You think you are above them, just because your future is supposedly 'set' here! So you don't want to put any effort in! Well, I won't be having it. I won't have you thinking you're above the consequences of your actions, nor above following the rules! So..." He motioned to the motorcycle. "There's your first push to having you follow the rules. And I made sure that this would stick with you! So, I 'messed with' your expensive motorbike so you would remember this lesson. Now, if you don't mind, I would like to go home."

And with that, Ishimaru turned on his heels and walked away, posture as straight as ever while Mondo was left practically choking in rage. He couldn't even manage a thought-out insult like Ishimaru could. He just shouted whatever offensive words he could think of at Ishimaru's back until he was out of earshot.

About a month later (long enough that Ishimaru wouldn't connect the two incidents), after angrily contemplating with a (very tired with his shit) Chihiro what would get on Ishimaru's nerves the most the previous night, Mondo managed to get his paws into Ishimaru's backpack, which he had sat down to catch up to a running student. Mondo took Ishimaru’s homework folder out, which he had labelled in 'homework folder' in neat lettering, because of fucking course he did.

But, hell, even Mondo had a conscious. Sometimes. Because even though it _was_ pretty hilarious to watch Ishimaru desperately dig around his backpack when homework was being asked for, it was decidedly _less_ hilarious to watch the kid try to not break down when explaining to his teachers that he _swore_ he had his homework when he came, and then proceed to beg the teachers to punch him as a punishment for 'being a failure'.

By the time the end of the day came around, Mondo was decidedly sick of the whole deal, and had long since gotten even with the other boy. Ishimaru had some of tomorrow's homework already done in his folder (because of fucking course, of fucking _course_ he did), and if he didn't return it now, he'd have to deal with this all tomorrow. So, at the end of school Mondo searched for the hardass in the hall, and, when he ran into him, held out his homework folder to him silently.

****

* * *

Makoto was still gathering his things at his lockers with Leon when he heard two familiar voices rising to a yelling level. Leon groaned, tilting his head back dramatically against the lockers. "The two idiots are at it again."

Makoto laughed awkwardly. "Don't call them that... Although... Yeah, maybe they could lay off."

At this point, everyone in the class was just about sick of Taka and Mondo being at each other's throats. Even when they _weren't_ actively pulling stuff on each other, Mondo was constantly doing tiny things to bug Taka to the point of the already always-on-edge hall monitor constantly being on the verge of exploding. And, in return, Taka leapt at the excuse to give Mondo detention, obviously enjoying when he could. It was... Exhausting.

... Wait, were 'those two idiots' getting closer?

That was answered when Mondo and Taka both turned the corner to the lockers, and Mondo pointed at Makoto, who flinched. "MAKOTO! We need to ask ya a favor!!"

Makoto looked helplessly to Taka, who nodded curtly. "Yes! We need you to be our witness to me finally defeating this-" He shifted his gaze to Mondo, irritation obvious. "- _heartless brute_."

"Witness?" Makoto echoed, with a small, nervous smile.

Leon snickered, hit Makoto lightly on the shoulder, and said, "Good luck, my man," before shutting his locker and leaving.

"We've finally decided to settle this like _men_ ," Mondo said, glancing at Taka with a smirk. "We're g'nna throw the fuck _down_! And you've..." He looked back to Makoto. "Gotta be our witness!"

Makoto's nervous smile got a bit wider and nervously chuckled. "Uh-" He started to object, but he was basically already roped in against his will, as solidified by Taka grabbing him by the wrist and taking him down to the bathhouse on the first floor.

****

* * *

Makoto ended up having to leave before the sauna contest was over, but that didn't mean he wasn't still concerned about the two. Both of them were stubborn to a fault, and he wouldn't put it above either of them to stay in there until they passed out, or got hurt even worse than that, just to win. So, when class came the next day, Makoto scanned the halls for the two of them, before going to class. Where there was also no Mondo or Taka...

His worry grew at that, but it lasts for less than a few minutes. Because, the next people who came into class were Mondo and Taka. ... With their arms around each other's shoulders affectionately... Laughing... Calling each other their 'bro'.

... It was... Unexpected.

But it was way better than the two constantly being ready to bite the other's head off.

****

* * *

Taka had never had a friend like Mondo before; a friend who desired his presence, and liked to hear his thoughts and see him happy, instead of merely tolerating his presence to be nice. ( _Or using him,_ Taka's mind helpfully provided, but he pushed the thought away as soon as it came. He doesn't like to think about the boy who he waited for in the library at all, much less compare his soulbrother to him.) He'd never met anyone who found his autistic traits... _Charming_ , or good, instead of something to be 'put up' with, either. Mondo had quipped more than once that it was real good that Taka loved pressure, because Mondo typically crushed his friends with his hugs. Mondo didn’t passive-aggressively shush Taka when he lost control over his voice's volume, because Mondo got just as loud when he was excited, too. And, when Taka caught himself bouncing on his heels and flapping his hands out of excitement and immediately apologized for it, Mondo asked why he was apologizing, because if it made Taka happy to bounce in place and flap his hands, then Mondo didn't care.

He wondered if all of that comes with having a real best friend, or if Mondo is just... Special. Perhaps it was both. Mondo feels special to Taka, and, in turn, Taka feels everything and more for Mondo.

****

* * *

Mondo had grown up with friends his whole life, basically. Even during the years where he wasn't particularly close with anyone in school, he had his brother. And even after... That no longer applied. He had his gang. But all of them had his something-or-whatever complex about 'if I show a singular emotion, I will die on the spot'. Leon was better than his gang in that department, but not by a significant amount. Chihiro was different in that she was a gal, so she wasn't as pressured to keep up tough appearances. But she was also shy, and sometimes got frightened by Mondo, so he felt the need to constantly hold back, and saw her as kind of a little sister more than someone he stands equal grounds with.

It was kind of funny that one of the things that infuriated Mondo about Taka back before they were bros was that Taka wasn't scared of him, even when Mondo was actively trying to be terrifying. But when they were buds, that's what made them equals. Taka was tough, and could take anything Mondo can throw at him, and they both knew it; he was like Mondo's gang members, in that way. But _unlike_ the gang, Taka wore his heart on his sleeves. He was strong as all hell, but he was unashamed, and didn't seem to care about the social rules of what boys 'are' and 'aren't' allowed to do. Taka praised him unabashedly to others, and leaned his head on Mondo's shoulder when he was tired, and would rush to cling to Mondo's arm when it was free.

That was refreshing to have. Someone who he could see as an equal, but who still was open about how much he cared for Mondo.

****

* * *

Taka had recently announced it had been a month since he and Mondo had become friends, the first time he and Mondo played video games together. Taka didn't have video game systems of his own, and, whenever he came over to Mondo's dorm, he wanted to study. But, just this once, he'd let Mondo convince him to put down his studying early in order to try a racing game, and, thankfully, Mondo spared him of embarrassing himself too badly by choosing a more easy and cartoony one to start with.

That didn't mean Taka was any good at it though. And, during one of the short periods he was in the lead, he got hit with a shell, which made him huff with frustration. "GO-LLY!"

Mondo exploded into scream-laughter beside him, going from sitting on the floor to plopping onto his side, apparently abandoning this round. Taka followed suit, looking away from the screen to furrow his brows at Mondo. "What?" Mondo let out a distinct scream, before going right back to laughing.

It took a few moments for Mondo to catch his breath, and even then, he was still talking in between chuckles. "Ohhh, Gooooddd. Oh, Gooddd. I'm sorry, bro, I totally fucked up that round, but holy SHIT. I've never heard 'golly' as an expression of anger before..." He rubbed his face, in between chuckles. "I dunno why that got me so bad, but I've _never_ skipped laughin' and went straight to screamin' like that."

Taka laughed back a little bit now. "Well... It was apparently 'golly' that did it."

"Yeah," Mondo chuckled. "Goddamn..." He sighed.

Taka patted his hands across his knees happily upon realizing the implication that this meant Taka was the only one who could make Mondo laugh like that, smiling so hard it hurt.

****

* * *

"You really don't care about social rules, huh, bro?" Mondo asked Taka a couple months later, walking for one class to another. Taka could hear the stutter in 'care', knowing he probably wanted to say 'give a shit', but Taka had at least managed to make him tone down his cursing on school grounds. He didn't care if Mondo cursed outside of that, as long as it wasn't against the rules.

Taka bit his lip and his eyebrows furrowed. Had he said something odd in their conversation? "Is that bad?"

"Nah!" Mondo waved his hand dismissively. "It's cool. Like, one of my favorite things about ya."

Taka's step bounced a little bit more at that. "Well, growing up autistic, you learn that you're never going to please everyone fairly quickly," Taka replied simply, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.

"You're autistic?"

Taka half-paused in his step, before continuing, not wanting to be late for class. "Were you not aware?"

Taka thought that Mondo didn't look... Upset. But it was hard to tell. His eyebrows were raised. "Obviously not."

"Ah!" Taka chuckled. "Sorry! I had assumed that you had figured it out before you and I realized we were soulbrothers!" He looked away, but still tried to smile. "My fellow students in middle school figured it out by themselves, and they bullied me quite severely for my differences. Along with... Ah, well, I'm sure you've heard of my grandfather!"

Mondo gave him a look that Taka is pretty sure means that he didn't know what he meant. Taka made a mental note to explain it later, once they weren't surrounded by other students.

Mondo shrugged. "This is probably shitty to say, but what I thought autism was is real different from what you are. Ya know, the stereotypical thought of a kid confined to a wheelchair who can only talk in grunts 'nd shit."

"Autism causes social, communication, and behavioral challenges, but not intellect nor function of one's body! It is also a very wide spectrum! So that is very inaccurate!"

"Apparently. But hey, you can totally teach me, right?"

Mondo's lips curled into a grin when Taka felt himself light up. "Yes!! I would be honored to teach you anything you would like to know, bro!"

****

* * *

Although Mondo's grades would have an outsider thinking otherwise, Taka learned that Mondo was a very fast learner. With things he actually cared about learning.

While learning about autism from casual conversation about it with Taka, Mondo almost immediately started to ask Taka if he could touch him instead of doing it himself, which Taka had _never_ had anyone do, except for his father. He'd also laid off teasing Taka about wearing the same outfit every day, and, after a while, stopped looking at him oddly whenever Taka covered his ears in public. He even offered once, after they were out of the offending loud store in question, and Taka had taken his hands down, "Ya know they make headphones that makes everythin' go quiet? Wouldja be down for somethin' like that?"

As Mondo learned about Taka, Taka learned about Mondo.

****

* * *

Even though he knew he should be paying attention to his friend, Taka found his gaze wandering around Mondo's room as the other talked. He'd never been in here before, to Mondo's apartment; only to his dorm. But now, he found himself glad that Mondo had invited him there over the break, although it was quite a messy place.

After glancing around for a while, Taka's eyes seemed to settle on a flag that was hung above the head of the bed, where the two boys sat. (Well, Taka sat. Mondo laid.) He wondered if it was a country's flag, but he's sure he would recall such a simple design. Pink, a smaller stripe of purple, then blue. Besides, he was fairly sure Mondo was Japanese like he was...

"Bro, can I give you a pro tip?"

Taka straightened up at hearing his nickname, and looked back at Mondo. "Go ahead!"

"If you stare at people's pride flags with that perma-glare thing ya have goin' on, they're gonna think you're planning to hatecrime 'em."

Taka bristled in his spot, and started stuttering out apologies. "I'm so sorry, bro! I wasn't... I didn't know that was what it was!! It's... Not rainbow, is it? It wasn't something I recognized, I didn't know that you liked- that you were- ah-"

Mondo smirked, but put Taka out of his misery by interrupting. "I know yer not actually gonna do that. If anythin', the law would stop ya. Was a joke. Also, it's not the rainbow 'cause I'm not gay, dude."

"Oh." Taka pretended to know what that insinuated.

Apparently, he wasn't convincing, because Mondo clarified, which he was somewhat grateful for. "I'm bi, by the by."

Taka furrowed his brows, trying to recall if he knew what that meant. "You're... Two...?"

"Yup! That's how old I am!" Mondo laughed at his own joke, and Taka laughed a little bit with him. "Nah, for real, it's short for bisexual."

"I'm terribly sorry to have you continue to clarify, but-"

"It's no prob. S'when you like dudes, or chicks, or basically anyone."

Taka frowned, concerned for his friend. "Bro, there's no need for that! I know that you're on a 'losing streak', as you refer to it, but there is no need to feel desperate!"

Mondo's eyes narrowed in anger, and that surprised Taka enough to make him jump a little. He wasn't afraid; Mondo wasn't scary to him. He was just caught off-guard. He'd almost forgotten how Mondo looked when he was angry. "I dunno, bro," Mondo replied, his voice dripping with irritation, "Personally, _I_ think it's a little desperate of _you_ to wanna date any chick that comes around. Because that's apparently how it _works_ now."

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to offend-!"

Mondo closed his eyes and sighed. "S'fine, bro. I know yer not bein' shitty on purpose or nothin'. Now stop tryin' so hard, you’re giving me secondhand exhaustion."

****

* * *

Taka wasn't homophobic! He was accepting of everyone. Just as a good prime minister should be! But something about what he learned about Mondo made him... Woozy.

After Mondo came out to him officially, he started to mention it casually in conversation, apparently comfortable talking about it now that the initial push was out of the way. But whenever Mondo brought it up, Taka found himself naturally looking away, or wanting to change the subject before someone overheard. _How can he manage to talk about it so casually,_ Taka wondered, _If, each time he does, he puts himself in danger?_

Taka didn't hate Mondo for it, or even dislike him for it. They were soulbrothers, after all, and Mondo liking boys felt small compared to that. (Even though it still felt very big.) Taka didn't care, but he feared about the people who would. He feels a strange pulsing and pulling feeling in his chest whenever Mondo talks about it without a care; jokes and mentions liking the same gender without any hesitation. Taka was scared Mondo would one day misjudge a person, mention liking boys casually, and get seriously hurt for it.

Even people who were heterosexual and just made a simple mistake were hurt, because they were perceived as queer.

(Taka worried that Mondo wouldn't have a bigger, stronger adult happen to come by to stop his assailants if he was hurt, too.)

****

* * *

It wasn't unusual for Mondo to simply open Taka's door, walk in and plop down onto his bed, so Taka didn't flinch from where he was at his desk. "Hello! Please do not plop on the bed! What is it I can help you with?"

Mondo, who had chosen to fall down face-first, rolled over, groaning. "Fuckin'... Struck out _again_."

Taka tilted his head a bit. He felt like it would be inappropriate to ask for the gender of the person, even though he was dying to know and it was the first thing that came to mind. Instead, he turned his chair to face his bed and he offered, "Oh, I am sorry! You'll find someone eventually, bro, don't worry."

Mondo just covered his face and groaned for an extended period of time, which Taka was pretty sure meant that he was upset but didn't have the right words.

Eventually, after a long while of back-and-forth to get his spirits up, Mondo sat up, and swung his feet off the side of Taka's bed. "Bro, why do _you_ never complain to me 'bout this?"

"About what?"

"'Bout romance and shit, dude! Like, do you never ask anyone out, ever? Or do ya just not tell me?"

Taka replied, not even having to think about it, as he had asked himself why he hadn't wanted a girlfriend a thousand times over, and he landed on the same answer. "It would be a distraction from my schoolwork! Once I have graduated, then I will pursue a romantic relationship!" Hopefully, he'd want one by then.

Taka paused, considering adding that unspoken addition, as well. He remembered what had happened in elementary... But Mondo was kinder and safer than those students were. So, he added on, hesitantly, "And I don't find the idea of having a romantic relationship very... Appealing."

"God, wish that were me," was all Mondo replied with.

Mondo hadn't pushed him. He hadn't done anything to insinuate Taka said anything unusual to him at all. But Taka felt a sharp feeling of urgency flicker in his chest, so he added on further, "Maizono would be a good significant other," and the feeling faded away.

Mondo rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. "Bro, _everyone_ likes Maizono."

Taka grinned back. "Well, then it surely must be for a reason!"

"'Surely', ya say, like ya don't even know why you like her yourself." And the tone is still teasing and light, but Taka feels that flickering urgency come back instantly.

"I mean...!" Taka struggled for a moment, trying to put why he liked the idol into words. "She would make a respectable wife! She is kind and attractive!"

Mondo's playful tone drops a little, and that just makes the flickering become painful. "Dude, that's not how crushes work. It's a feelin' in yer gut, not based off of who would make a good wife."

"Well, if I am married to a gambler like Celeste, or someone intimidating like Oogami, I wouldn't be seen quite as respectable myself when I run for prime minister, would I?"

"Ya sure as hell wouldn't, bro, but that isn't how it works. Ya don't consciously choose that shit. Ya can't help if ya like Celeste, Oogami, Maizono, or whoever."

Taka felt his voice raising subconsciously. "Well, that's how it works for _me_! And I'm simply not ready to even pursue having a girlfriend. I'm focusing on schoolwork! And you should be, as well!"

Mondo could probably sense Taka was very much done with this topic. "Eh, it would make sense. Yer so focused on your goals 'n shit, wouldn't put it past ya to have it affect your feelin's."

Taka felt like he could breathe again.

(Somehow, he got the vague, very frightening feeling that he was never going to be 'ready'.)

****

* * *

Speaking of the goddamn devil, with that whole, 'You can't choose who you like, it just happens,' shit.

Mondo realized it on Valentine's, because of course he did. He had been moping that he hadn't gotten any chocolate to Taka basically all day, because all this holiday did was make him was feel like shit, like always. And, when he had asked to hang out with Taka after school, Taka declined, which was to be expected, what, with Mondo complaining basically all day.

What was less expected was when Taka showed up at Mondo's door that evening, with two baggies of homemade chocolates, declaring them 'friendship chocolate'. Which was so stupidly sweet. Pun intended.

But, even still, before Taka could eat his own batch, he had to sort them. Taka always sorted multiple pieces of food with varying sizes from smallest to biggest and ate them in that order. Mondo wanted to roll his eyes and tease him about it, but bit his tongue, instead opting to silently sort Taka's chocolate with him so he could get to eating faster. He hated to see Taka look stressed. More than he usually looked stressed.

When everything was all sorted, Taka clapped his hands together with a wide grin. "Excellent!! Now, I can begin! Thank you, bro!" He turned his gaze to Mondo, then down to the unopened baggie in his hand, and his eyes widened. "Oh! Be careful! You haven't gotten your chocolate out yet. It may melt!"

Mondo blinked, and glanced down at his own chocolate. Damn. He had been craving this shit all day, with the smell of it wafting down the halls, and he'd managed to completely forget about it when he saw Taka looking kinda overwhelmed. Didn't even _think_ to eat some before helping.

Mondo replied, "Oh, yeah, right," his voice a little bit quieter than usual.

Ah, hell. He's a little bit in love with his best friend, isn't he?

****

* * *

It was just Mondo's fucking luck that he was stuck with feelings for his 'soulbrother' who wanted to work in goddamn _politics_. But, thank God for small favors, he had a queer friend to scream about it to. Right after a healthy dose of 'I'll fucking kill you if you tell anyone'. Which he promptly did as soon as he came home that day.

"It's not FUCKING fair, Chi," he complained over the phone, burying his face in his free hand. "Why does he gotta be so FUCKING dorky and considerate and CUTE and AGGRESSIVELY straight! Girls have all the fuckin' luck, SHIT! I'm such a dumbass..."

Chihiro giggled on the other line. "You couldn't exactly choose who you fell in love with, though, right? It's not your fault..."

Mondo huffed, because she was right, she was echoing what she had told Taka, and that made it even more unfair.

****

* * *

And it is 'who he fell in love with', Mondo realized. It wasn't some crush. He'd had crushes. On LOTSA people. Fleeting thoughts about how they were hot or whatever. But he didn't get too upset if they avoided him because he had yelled and scared them off, when he was actually trying to flirt and failing. And Mondo _did_ care if Taka avoided him, or didn't talk to him over this. A _lot_. And he wanted to punch himself for letting himself care so much about this dork, because he was just _asking_ to fall in love with him and get hurt when he did that. If he just hadn't fucking CARED, hadn't fucking...

Ugh.

Mondo also immediately noticed how different it was than from trying to get with a girl. He'd had crushes on boys before. Obviously. But he'd never actually tried to talk to them, because he knew he'd get slugged in the face if he tried to get with the wrong guy. He knew he could take the punch to the face, but probably not to the self-esteem. He had limited resources in that department. So, he'd only actively tried to get with girls (none of whom had punched him so far).

On top of crush versus love (GAG.), there was also a fuckton of other stuff. Asking a chick who he had a crush on out was so easy, because that's what was 'normal'. It was expected for a girl to like boys. So the question was, did she like this _specific_ boy? But a boy he was in love with? A hell of a lot more difficult. He had to think about if Taka liked boys (a solid 'no'), if he was homophobic or would tell other people who were. And even if, even _if_ Taka liked boys, _and_ he liked Mondo, that meant Mondo would have to get past the barrier that was his own goddamn incompetency at romance, AND past the taboo of that sorta relationship.

Flirting with strangers was damn near impossible for Mondo. Flirting with a friend he was scared of losing would be even _harder_. Flirting when the both of them would be scared to admit that they're actually interested out of fear the other would hate them for it?? Forget it.

There was also the issue of Taka figuring it out for himself, without Mondo confessing it to him. With girls? Not a big deal. That's the way it was supposed to be. It was expected for boys to think girls were pretty. But if Taka figured out Mondo loved him and he had deliberately kept it a secret from Taka, then would he think Mondo was preying on him? Being his friend because he thought Taka was hot, just to stare at him when they were together, and not actually caring about Taka as a person? _Mondo_ knew that wasn't true, because, again, he cared way too much about if Taka would stop being his friend. And, even though he wanted to slam his head into the wall and call himself a dumbass for this, he was, unfortunately, thinking more about holding Taka's hand and petting his hair as they cuddled and flirting with him until his face turned bright red then he was about making out with him, or whatever the fuck. But _Taka_ didn't know about that.

At the very least, Mondo was glad Taka didn't pick up on Mondo's any usual tells. Whenever Taka started to bounce on his heels out of excitement, or did that, adorable, stupid 'ha ha ha' laugh, and Mondo got so nervous and stupid that he started to yell, Taka's voice would rise in volume naturally, to meet Mondo's. Mondo was pretty sure that was one of Taka's autism things. And, again, Mondo thanked God for small favors.

(But just because Taka didn't know what Mondo's yelling meant didn't mean that literally anyone else who witnessed the pair of them didn't. Way too often, now, he saw other people in his class giving him knowing little grins whenever he and Taka put their arms around each other, and it took everything within him to not go and punch the smirks off their faces, because he _hated_ that other people knew he was in fucking love with this little punk.)

Mondo mostly just wished he didn't care too much.

****

* * *

About 4 months of that realization fucking up Mondo's life real good, Chihiro walked up to him at his locker, an excited look on her face. "Mondo, look at what I found!" She held out a piece of paper with a big smile on her face, and Mondo naturally felt himself reflect it, even before he'd even glanced at the paper.

  
He took it into his hands, and gave it a quick glance over, the most obvious thing about it was the title, in a big font: 'Rainbow Pride'.

Even as he tried to read over the event, Chihiro swayed from side to side, excited. "Doesn't it sound quite wonderful? It's nearby, too. Do you want to come with me?"

Mondo's grin widened. He'd never actually been to a pride event before. "Aw, hell yeah, Chi! Sounds like a blast!"

He was going to keep talking, but he jumped when he felt a hand on his arm. When he turned his head, he saw Maizono next to him, glancing over the flyer before he could tell her to buzz off.

"Ah!" She smiled up at Mondo. "That seems like fun. Why don't you invite Taka along?"

Mondo gave Maizono a look. He was pretty sure that it's not normal to invite people who aren't queer to a pride event. "I mean, I'd totally be down for invitin' my bro, but... Why this? Don't ya know what it's about?"

Maizono giggled. "Of course I do! And, don't you know?" Her expression turned deathly serious. "I'm psychic."

Chihiro and Mondo froze, and glanced at each other.

"Ahaha! Just kidding!" She playfully shoved Mondo's shoulder. "But I do have good intuition."

Mondo wasn't exactly sure what Maizono was implying with that, but, hey. If he's gonna go somewhere fun, why wouldn't he wanna bring his best friend? Might even be helpful, in the long run. Mondo caught how Taka tended to glance away whenever Mondo mentioned being bi. This might teach him a few things.

Mondo gave a questioning look to Chihiro.

She grinned up at him. "There's no harm in a plus-one."

****

* * *

Taka was focused on eating and studying at the same time without getting crumbs or stains on his textbook when Mondo suddenly exclaimed, "OH, right!!" Taka jumped where he was sitting, and Mondo laughed apologetically. "Sorry, bro! Almost forgot something..."

He pulled out his phone, and started tapping on it. "There's somethin' goin' on this weekend, and I know ya usually study 'til ya drop, but if you wanna come with Chi and I, I'd be totally down to take you!" He held out his phone to Taka, who accepted it and looked at the screen.

It seemed to be the website for some sort of event, and what immediately caught Taka's eyes was the rainbow patterning. Then, his eyes were immediately drawn to the description of this as an 'LGBT+ event'.

Taka’s throat tightened and he felt the urge to hide the phone against his chest, like he was looking at something bad or dirty. He stared at the screen for a moment, no longer really seeing it as his hands shook, before finally managing to look back to Mondo. "Why... Are you asking _me_ , bro?" Even just saying the sentence, with the implications it could hold, made him feel like throwing up.

Mondo's reply was infinitely more simple than any implications Taka had in mind. "What, am I not allowed to bring my bud to a fun event?"

Taka let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He wanted to bring Taka to a pride event because they were friends. And not... That he thought... Anything that could damage Taka's reputation. Or chances as prime minister.

"Right!! Of course!" With relief now washing over him, Taka was able to give his usual enthusiasm to such a request. "Thank you very much for inviting me. I would love to come along with you!"

If it was anyone else, Taka felt like he'd probably hesitate more. But it wasn't anyone else; it was Mondo, and Taka would go anywhere with him.

****

* * *

The day of the event _isn't_ the first time Taka had ridden on the back of Mondo's motorcycle to go somewhere. But it _was_ the first time Taka had done it with Mondo aware of his big loser-crush on him. And oh boy, trying to focus on the road when the person you were in love with was leaning onto your back, and had their hands wrapped around your middle? It was _certainly_ not easy.

They were lucky there wasn't any serious traffic, or Mondo's bi ass would have the two of them in a wreck so goddamn fast.

****

* * *

Taka was surprised to see a group of people at the entrance waiting for him and Mondo, because, as far as he knew, it was supposed to be only Chihiro waiting. Instead, there was Chihiro, Makoto, Aoi, Oogami, and... Togami?

Chihiro immediately addressed Taka's confusion with a nervous little laugh. "I originally only invited you two and Makoto! Given he was the only other openly queer student in our class..." Taka was very much _not_ aware that Makoto was queer, but nobody else seemed surprised, so he didn't ask. "But he knew Aoi would be interested, so he told her, and she invited Sakura... And, of course, Makoto would want to bring his boyfriend along-"

Taka naturally asked, "His boyfriend?", too surprised by _that_ to stop himself, but he was glad at least Mondo had asked the same question with him. Thank goodness, it's not more common knowledge he was apparently oblivious to.

Togami sighed, and pushed his glasses further up his nose. "Yes, but I have _much_ to lose if the word gets out, and two very insistent pair of..." He paused, before ending on, "... _Sisters_ who would not take kindly to this information. I simply came because Makoto was going to come, and he said you plebians could keep a secret, so don't prove my trust to be displaced. Understand?" Apparently, the others had gotten this speech already, because he was just looking at Taka and Mondo. Mondo raised his hands in silent defeat, and Taka looked away and nodded.

It was like he thought! Being attracted to the same gender only brought others trouble, it seemed. So why were they celebrating?

Taka glanced around at the group. They all wore bright colors (save for Togami, who was apparently trying to keep the information out of the public eye), and the only pattern that Taka recognized was the one that Makoto, Sakura, and Mondo were all wearing in some form (as a shirt, makeup, and pins, in that order), and that was only thanks to Mondo teaching him. Chihiro was _almost_ wearing the same colors, but there was white instead of purple. Aoi was wearing a different color scheme entirely, with pink and orange.

Normally, he'd ask what each one meant without any shame, but he was worried that, if he had to listen to his classmates explain it, he'd get woozy the same way he did when he thought about Mondo being bisexual. So he didn't, and just followed the group in.

Once inside the fenced-off area, Taka was assaulted by rainbows everywhere, though he had expected that. He glanced around, uncharacteristically silent as he tried to take in his new surroundings while following his classmates. It felt so wrong to Taka, to not be the leader, but he had no clue what the layout of the area was or what the rules were, and so he simply followed the others, half-gripping Mondo's leather jacket sleeve to guide him as he looked around.

There were people selling all sorts of things, mostly with those bright color patterns Taka didn't know the meaning of. Many people here were in incredibly gaudy fashion, but not as many as Taka had expected, based off of what he saw in the media. There were many people here who were dressed simply.

There were many people here... In general.

Aside from the music playing on the loudspeakers, the colorful patterns, and the occasional outrageous dresser, another big facet of this event was petitions getting signed. That made sense to Taka. People who were queer had so many problems; many of which Taka had educated himself on in his research for his future, particularly after Mondo had come out to him. When he was in power, he wanted to be able to make things easier on his bro. (And everyone else, of course.)

Notably, the group stopped when someone told them they were collecting signatures for anybody who wants to legalize same-sex marriage.

Aoi perked up. "Are highschoolers allowed to sign?"

The person hands the clipboard to Aoi, with a pen. "Of course."

In the end, basically everyone in the group wants to sign. But when Makoto tried to hand the clipboard to Togami, he held up a hand. "I cannot afford to have my signature on a political list such as this."

Taka glanced away, cringing as the clipboard continued to be passed around. That's right. In the midst of all of the happy songs and smiling faces, he'd almost-…

His chest was being pulled again, and it hurt a little bit. The same feeling he had when he watched Mondo talk about being bisexual. He subconsciously pressed a hand to his chest, like he was afraid his heart would burst from it.

When everyone was done signing, Mondo handed the clipboard over to Taka, who jumped, not expecting to be included.

He stared at the petition for a few moments. Same-sex marriage? Well... It wasn't going to be like he was going to keep not being homophobic to himself when he runs for prime minister, was he...? He might end up being the one to pass the law himself! For Mondo to marry whoever he wants. Even if the thought made him feel... Upset, for reasons he didn't understand. He wasn't _currently_ in the public eye like Togami was, so he wouldn't be in danger.

Besides, he felt the group staring at him, so he took the clipboard and smiled. "Thank you, bro!" Taka found himself writing his name down uncharacteristically quickly, not taking the care to make his name as neat as he usually did, before giving the clipboard back to the person that had given it to the group.

His face felt hot, and his eyebrows furrowed, and Taka glanced around anxiously. But nobody was looking at them. Everyone else was caught up in themselves, and their own little groups.

... There were men with men. Everywhere. Caught up in each other. Posing for pictures, giving each other kisses on the cheek casually. Taka saw a pair of young boys, too; younger than he was, still having to be here with their parents. One of the young boys had a rainbow pin in...

In... Taka's middle school... Uniform...

Taka's hands naturally went up to cover his ears, and everything that had seemed pleasant before was suddenly too _much_. _Too_ loud. _Too_ colorful. _Too many_ people. He wasn't sure if his classmates had started to walk forward without him or if they were staring at him, but he had to get _out_. So he walked, his back straight as ever and his gaze beginning to go fuzzy. He pressed his hands to his ears harder and harder the closer he got to being back at the entrance. He was almost a little afraid he was going to pass out before he could get out, but he managed to make it, promptly collapsing near the entrance with his back to the fence. Even though he was out of it now, though, his head was still pounding like there was loud music playing, and there was something, _something_ pressing down hard on his chest, making it hard to breathe, making his heart race. Even the black from behind his eyelids seemed so bright.

Taka wasn't sure how long he sat like that until he finally felt like he could open his eyes, and, when he glanced to his immediate right, he jumped. "GAH-!"

Mondo, who was sitting next to him, waved nonchalantly. "Sorry, bro, didn't mean to freak ya out. Was just waiting for ya to be up to talk."

Taka sighed and gave Mondo a shaky grin.

"Need a hug?"

Taka immediately pressed his face into Mondo's side instead of answering, and he felt Mondo jump before squeezing him as tight as he always did. _Pressure. Firm. Stable. Mondo. Safe._

Taka felt himself untense a bit as the pounding feeling in his head went away, although his heart beating fast stayed. He pressed his face further into Mondo's side. "I am very sorry. You were clearly having fun, and I..."

Mondo wouldn't let him finish. "Ay, don't apologize, you can't help that shit. Should've thought of your sensory stuff before I invited you to a huge-ass, loud-ass event, anyway."

Taka went quiet at that, and just let himself be held in comfortable silence.

He's pretty sure it says something that it took until that moment to realize. It took sitting outside a queer pride event after being overwhelmed by the sight of men being happy in relationships with each other, being held tight and comforted by his best male friend who he felt everything for, with his heart still racing in his chest even after he was calmed, for everything to click into place.

_Oh._

_Oh, no._

Taka distantly heard himself saying, "I am sorry, but I believe I would really like to go home now." And the whole ride back, Taka was afraid to hold onto Mondo too tight, but too afraid to let go and fall away.

****

* * *

Taka couldn't sleep for a long time that night. He just stared blankly into the darkness, up at his ceiling, his mind brimming with, _I'm gay. I'm gay and I'm so, so in love with Mondo. I'm deeply in love with my best friend who is a boy. I'm very in love with Mondo and I am gay._

In the times when his shock from the realization would quiet down enough to let him think, Taka tried to tell himself phrases he had heard at that day's event. That it's okay. He was born this way. That there's something wrong with the people who don't like it, not him. He wasn't wrong. He wasn't broken. He didn't need to be fixed, because he was already normal.

He fell asleep trying so, so hard to make himself believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I thought that the first chapter of this fic was going to be the longest. Now here we are, with a chapter that doubles the word count. Oops.
> 
> Also, I have Mondo and Taka call each other 'bro' instead of 'kyoudai' because the concept of these two dorks calling each other 'bro' as they are literally falling in love with each other is INTENSELY funny to me.
> 
> As always, consider leaving a comment! Expect the final chapter on the 19th!


	4. Redamancy (Romantic)

**_Redamancy (n.) The act of loving someone who loves you_ **

****

* * *

_When Taka and Mondo are walking to their respective dorms to go to sleep after the pride event, side by side, Taka feels Mondo continuously glancing at him, concerned. Taka looks back at him, questioning._

_"Feeling all good now, bro?" Mondo asks, with that half-smile he did when he was trying to hide worry. "Not all freaked out 'bout your sensory stuff?"_

_Taka nods in response._

_"Can ya talk to me, then?"_

_He hasn't felt like he has the energy to talk since he asked Mondo to bring him home. Taka shakes his head after taking a moment to consider._

_Mondo furrows his eyebrows, then begins to look straight ahead. "Can I just ramble for a bit, then?"_

_Taka makes a 'mmhmm' noise._

_"Cool." Mondo stops suddenly, and begins to lean onto one of the walls of the school. Taka stops and faces him, and he would like to ask why he stopped if he can just talk while they are walking, but, again, he has little to no energy to speak._

_Mondo tilts his head, and, despite himself, Taka grins a little bit, because every time Mondo does that, Taka pictures the tiny dogs Mondo loves so much doing the same. "Ya look stressed. Like, really, stupid-stressed. Even if ya say that yer done with your sensory freakout."_

_Taka's gaze naturally shifts to his shoes. Even if he could speak, he would not want to have to explain, 'Why, yes, my good friend Mondo, I had my gay awakening in your arms less than an hour ago, so, as you can imagine, I am mildly upset.'_

_"I know ya can't talk, but, shit. Can ya tell me what's wrong in any other way?" Mondo stands up straight, no longer leaning against the wall._

_Taka shakes his head._

_Mondo takes a few steps closer, and Taka naturally takes a few steps backwards. "Ya sure?"_

_Taka nods, still stepping back as Mondo grows closer, and his back hits the wall opposite to where Mondo was leaning a few seconds ago. He looks up, and Mondo is so close, looming over him, and Taka gulps, and he can only hope that it wasn't audible._

_"'Kay." Mondo's voice is quieter now, and Taka is trying to calm himself, and_ not _pass out from all the blood in his body running to flush his face,_ not _die of a heart attack. And that was not helped when Mondo placed one hand to rest on the wall, and the other to touch Taka's cheek. Taka naturally jumps and gasps softly, and there was no way_ that _one was not audible._

_"Ya don't gotta say anythin' for me to know what's on yer mind."_

_Taka jumps a bit in place again, but naturally relaxes when he feels his face being guided forward and up, and he really is worried he's going to pass out now, he's shaking all over because this is so much and he shuts his eyes tight and Mondo is kissing him, he's kissing Mondo, and everything is-_

Taka bolted awake with a stifled whine the day after the pride event, and he found that he had never disliked the sound of his alarm clock more. Out of muscle memory, he slapped the 'off' button on it, and he considered (for about 2 seconds) letting himself stay in bed for just five more minutes. But he knew what a slippery slope the 'just five more minutes' excuse was, so he forced himself out of bed to prepare for the school day.

He used to scoff to himself at the thought of 'mental health days'. He hardly let himself miss school when he was physically sick. Lately, he had been loosening up a bit on the idea; mostly thanks to Mondo, and his... Whatever he had that made him curl up in bed for days on end and refuse to even look at his motorcycle. Even so, though... This was the first time Taka had understood the benifits of the idea. There was no way he was going to be able to properly focus in this state! Sleep-deprived and far too in his own head for his own good.

Thank goodness he was a good actor, at least. He didn't want to worry anyone with his absentmindedness!

* * *

Chihiro learned, the day after pride, that Taka was a _terrible_ actor.

Just like Mondo, he was not nearly as subtle as he clearly thought he was. Both of them wore their hearts on their sleeves, to some extent; although with Taka, that was sometimes on purpose. Mondo's yelling was his dead give-away. For Taka, everyone seemed to instantly pick up on how he kept staring at one spot rather than the teacher in class, clearly daydreaming rather than paying attention, which was something he got onto _others_ about. That was a sign of him being 'off'. But the reason why he was so 'off' was made painfully clear at lunch time that day, where Chihiro kept smiling and rolling her eyes to herself at Taka staring at Mondo's lips while he talked.

She'd be a little annoyed that they hadn't asked each other out yet and instead made her pretend to not notice their obvious pining, if it wasn't so darn _cute_ to see her friends being so head-over-heels for each other.

But, each time Taka stared at Mondo as he talked, he would always suddenly tear his eyes away when he remembered himself, and, each time, Chihiro was instantly hit with an overwhelming sense of being ashamed in Taka's body language and expression. She could take a few wild guesses as to why he was ashamed, and all of them hurt her heart. A part of her wished she was stronger, right now, instead of working towards it gradually. She could help Taka then. Be the older (not in years, but in time in the community) queer person that she hadn't had, for him.

But, if she knew anything about her time in the closet, it was that when people tried to force her out before she was ready, she would run back in even deeper than she was before. Besides, she was still... Incredibly shy. And somewhat awkward...

The decision to let Taka come out of the closet at his own pace came easily. If he couldn't hide his obvious romantic feelings and internal struggling for beans, the least she could do was pretend to be shocked when he came out.

* * *

Taka's future had been decided for him at a young age. He would get married to a nice woman, have 1-3 biological children, and eventually become prime minister. Just like everyone wanted of him. Just like everyone _expected_ of him. Even if he did feel a little jumpy if he thought about it too hard... Like everything else, it had seemed inevitable. Like there was no other choice. There was a comfort in that inevitability. _Other people_ were gay, but that was _other people_ , not him.

But... When he was finally in an environment where he didn't have to put up an act to be safe; a place where it was treated as a _normal thing_ to ask, it hit him. The second he allowed himself to even consider it.

It seemed so obvious, reminiscing. It was like when he read a book, got to a plot twist, then, when he read the book a second time, he realizes all the now-clear foreshadowing. But it had taken Taka's whole _life_ just to even allow himself to _ask_. Because everyone was the main character of their own story. And gay people were the 'others'. And Taka had never read a book with a gay main character.

Besides... Who had ever heard of a gay prime minister?

Who would even _elect_ a gay prime minister?

(Not one out of three people, as Taka had learned one night, scanning through the notes he had taken on LGBT+ issues after Mondo had come out. One of three people would refuse to let him have a position like that, just on the basis of his sexuality alone. Taka could feel his dream slipping through his fingers, ungraspable and wet like water, and he had curled up in his chair, suddenly feeling cold. Because everything was a fraud. His dream job he had been working for his whole life. His supposedly 'guaranteed' future. His title of the 'Ultimate Moral Compass', with feelings that felt so deeply, cripplingly _im_ moral. His feelings for Mondo, compared to the ones men had for women. Frauds. Frauds. Frauds.)

(It was like he'd always thought. Being attracted to the same gender only made things harder.)

* * *

"You've been actin' weird," Mondo said, and Taka jumped in his place from the book he was 'reading' (when it was obvious to Mondo that he had just been vaguely looking at the pages and thinking about something else).

"Why would you say that?"

Mondo waved his phone. "I've been on my phone this whole time, and ya haven't said shit about-"

"Mondo!! Put that down, we are supposed to be studying!"

"There it is." Mondo felt a fond smile find his way onto his face, despite his own worry, because dammit, despite everything, he'd missed Taka's scolding the past few days. (That's how he _knew_ he had it bad; when he missed Taka getting on his ass about the rules.) He shoved his phone back into his pocket. "Yeah, so, you're totally freaking the hell out about _somethin'_ or other. So, out with it."

Taka's lip curled. "We have discussed previously that when studying for a test, we are to spend an hour studying, before a fifteen-minute break. It has not yet been an hour!"

"Yeah, and I'm sure you're learning a hell of a lot, starin' at that page while daydreamin'." Taka opened his mouth to protest, but Mondo interrupted with a wave of his hand. "Don't even try an' deny it, bro, I know that look when I see it."

Taka huffed, before glancing away. "I suppose, yes, I have been... Distracted recently."

"Exactly. So, like, if ya just word-vomit everythin' out at me, then ya can actually _study_ , and get an A+ on the test, just like ya always do." Mondo felt like he was dangling a treat above a small animal, using a test grade to try and get Taka to talk. But, to be _fair_ , he wasn't _wrong_! It was just that he was maybe less concerned about Taka's grades and more concerned about the huge-ass bags under Taka's eyes, and the lack of energy, and the constant zoning out. The punk probably would prioritize his test score more than his own health, though.

And it worked like a charm, because Taka slowly closed his book, before placing it in his lap. (Because he was sitting criss-cross applesauce like a dork.) He immediately went to fidgeting with his hands, and Mondo glanced around the immediate vicinity to see if there was a fidget toy he could toss him. "I suppose that it is true that it is possible my schoolwork may suffer... And most concerns I had could be answered by someone like you..."

After not seeing any fidgety things, Mondo looked back at Taka, and leaned back on his hand. "Oh, yeah?"

"Indeed!" Taka nodded, and his posture regained its confidence. "I have multiple questions I would like for you to answer!"

"Well, hopefully, I have multiple answers I would like you to consider," Mondo replied, echoing back Taka's speech pattern.

Taka drummed his hands against his textbook's cover, furrowing his brows and looking to the ceiling as he considered. "Well..." When he looked away from the ceiling, he was avoiding Mondo's gaze, but his voice and body language was still confident. "How can you manage to be proud, rather than ashamed?"

Mondo let his head naturally lean to one side, and he caught Taka biting back a grin, like he always did when he tilted his head. "Hah? Ya mean, like, 'bout being bi?"

Taka nodded firmly and hummed.

Mondo wanted to ask further questions, but he didn't wanna scare off Taka from opening up about whatever the hell was bugging him so bad. "I mean... I guess I was real fuckin' lucky, 'cause I grew up with, like, tons and tons of queer people. So there wasn't, like, any expectation. Ya know?"

"So you were never ashamed?"

Mondo found himself a bit nervous, his emotions and all that being put under a microscope, but he ignored it the best he could. "Uhhh, I mean, yeah, obviously, but never, like, so bad it fucked me up too bad-"

"How? Does it not feel wrong to be attracted to other men?"

Mondo furrowed his brows suddenly, and directed his glare to Taka, but he was still looking away. He took a deep breath. _He's not being shitty on purpose,_ he reminded himself. _He's just super fucking ignorant and needs you to teach him some stuff._ (Although it was ironic that this question was coming from the man he was currently 'attracted' to.) Mondo started, "Again, yeah, obviously, sometimes, 'cause internalized homophobia's a whole bitch, but it doesn't happen often, or-"

"Aren't you worried the 'internalized homophobia' is correct?"

Mondo lowered his eyelids, getting ready to calmly tell Taka to lay the hell off. "Uh-"

"Because so many people are going to hate you!"

_That_ one actually _hurt_ , rather than just annoying him, and Mondo felt himself tense up. He curled his lip, trying to hold back on lashing out in retaliation. "Dude-!"

"After all, if you are with a man, it's going to be really hard on you!"

"TAKA!"

Taka jumped at the yelling, and finally looked at Mondo. "That was hardly necessary!"

"Yeah, it WAS! Dude, what the FUCK was that?! You really think all that shit 'bout dudes likin' dudes?! 'Bout it being right to be ashamed, 'bout it being wrong, 'bout everyone hating us?!"

"That's not what I-" Taka started, but shut himself down.

Because that was _exactly_ what he had meant.

Mondo felt a sharp pain in his chest, but he refused to let it show, just standing up. "Bro, fuck this! If what's been buggin' ya so damn bad is you not likin' that I like dudes, then let it bug ya so bad it drives ya NUTS!!" He grabbed his stuff and stormed out of the dorm, and slammed the door behind him, just for the dramatic effect, and because he knew Taka _hated_ it when he slammed doors.

Taka hadn't tried to stop him from leaving.

Mondo wished he didn't care so much.

* * *

Taka sat with Makoto the following weeks. It was difficult, as, with Makoto being basically _everyone's_ friend, and there being an unspoken reserved seat for Togami, there wasn't much time to be able to grab an available seat next to him. But Taka would rather that then sitting alone. Or next to Mondo, after all those, in hindsight, _terrible_ things he had asked him.

But, perhaps that was a blessing in disguise. A very... Painful blessing. As that gave him time to sort out his thoughts about his sexuality and, in turn, Mondo, without worrying Mondo again. (Even if, each time he saw Mondo brush past him in the hallway like he was nobody special, Taka got that pulling feeling in his chest, which he had now begun to recognize as _yearning_.)

A couple weeks into sitting with Makoto at lunch, Makoto offered to buy Taka something at a nearby fast food place. The way he had said it, Taka knew he was making it up on the fly. But, still, even if it was _painfully_ unhealthy, it was still free food, and Taka still felt the echoes of the habits that came from growing up dirt-poor. One of which: _never_ turn down someone trying to treat you.

Makoto had ended up walking Taka there, instead of calling a bus, which Taka had found odd, until he had suddenly said, "Uh, you... Really hurt Mondo's feelings. I told him I wouldn't tell you, but, uh... Yeah."

Taka was a little surprised that Mondo had told Makoto at all, before he remembered, oh yeah, Makoto was _everyone's_ friend. "I know!" he replied, staring straight ahead. "And I am ashamed of my actions."

"Then why haven't you apologized to him? He's waiting for it."

"I am..." How does one say 'I am getting my gay crisis out of the way before I go back to being touchy-feely best friends with the man who made me start to have my gay crisis' without outing themselves? "... I am just figuring some things out!"

Makoto hummed to himself, and Taka hoped that would be the end of the conversation, but he was wrong.

"Byakuya said similar things to me, once," Makoto began, his voice slightly distant. "He said my family was likely to disown me, and he asked me how I had prepared for that possibility. But, ah... More Byakuya-like than the way I phrased it?" He chuckled. "Yeah... It was really bad. It turned out to be his weird, emotionally-distant way of confiding his worries in me and asking for advice for his worst case scenario without actually coming out."

Taka felt panic rising up his throat. Togami was gay. Closeted to most people, but gay. And Makoto's boyfriend. And he was drawing this parallel between him and Byakuya, and... And how he acted towards Mondo, and did he _know_ , was his life already over-?!

"I think that you had good intentions, but worded your questions funnily," Makoto continued, and Taka felt the panic fade a bit, though it was still there. He was drawing parallels to Togami and Taka's intentions... Not their... Sexualities. Or feelings. "You were trying to ask genuine questions, but put them in a way Mondo didn't understand, like I didn't understand Byakuya at first. Uh, he's also autistic, so I thought there might be similarities 'cause of that? I dunno." He chuckled. "But, yeah. I don't think you're a bad person. Just that the words came out bad. So... When you're done 'figuring some things out', try and explain that to Mondo, okay? 'Cause he's not believing it from me."

"Yes! Thank you for your advice, Makoto!"

Taka ended up not being hungry by the time they got to eat, but he forced it all down anyway, because he _never_ turned down someone trying to treat him.

* * *

It took a few days after that for Taka to be able to confront Mondo. And, even when he finally stood in front of his dorm room door, he felt his breath becoming shallow, and his head light. Because he _knew_ it was going to be hard to explain why his actions were not ill-intentioned without outing himself. But Makoto told him Mondo was waiting for Taka to come back and apologize, and, as much as Taka tried to tell himself different, he _couldn't_ properly sort through his recent discovery and the feelings about it without Mondo around to keep him feeling sane. He was the one Taka was in love with, but he was _still_ Taka's best friend, and everything felt wrong without him.

Mondo barged into Taka's room without announcing himself, but Taka never did the same, so he simply knocked on the door, and forced himself to stay firmly put as he waited for Mondo to answer. When he did, Mondo's expression shifted from neutral to annoyed quickly. "About fuckin' time."

Taka nodded, not sure what else to do. He slipped inside Mondo's dorm without being invited in, which was awfully rude of him and didn't help his own case, but the walls in the dorms were soundproof, so, if Mondo started to yell, nobody else had to know what Taka had done.

"Ay!" Mondo slammed the door shut, and Taka bit back a quip about how that was bad for the door, before he followed Taka, standing right in front of him, and looking down. "I deserve a little more than a NOD and you bargin' into my ROOM after you said all that SHITTY stuff and then avoided me for a MONTH."

With Mondo so close to him, his mind flashed back to the dream he had, with Mondo just like this, pressing him into a wall and- no. Taka squeezed his eyes shut for a second, forcing those thoughts from his mind. _Calm your perverted intentions for a few minutes, deviant!_ he internally scolded himself, before looking back up at Mondo. "Yes, you do."

Mondo made a few motions with his hands, Taka guesses just to let out some energy. "FUCK, dude!! I thought you had cut me OUT for likin' boys!!! Like, fuckin' disowned me as your friend or something, SHIT!!" Taka flinched a little bit. Looking back, that was probably what it seemed like, wasn't it...? "What the hell happened to 'soulbrothers', huh?! Does that shit not APPLY if one of 'em likes dudes, then you can just fuckin' up and LEAVE 'em?! I brought you to that event thing to make ya LESS shitty 'bout me being queer, but it only made ya even MORE shitty!! And I thought I could TRUST you to not even be a LITTLE BIT shitty!! FUCK, WHY AREN'T YOU AFRAID OF ME RIGHT NOW?!"

Taka blinked, and opened his mouth to explain, but Mondo made a snarl noise and he quickly shut it. He waited for Mondo to continue, but he looked like he was done, daring Taka to reply. After deciding Mondo had gotten everything out of his system, Taka began his response he had been scripting for all day. "I understand that it seemed as if I was being cruel to you due to your interest in- in men!" His stutter there was not helping his case. "But... I was merely attempting to ask questions, and they all came out in a way which I did not mean them to!"

Mondo leaned over Taka, exaggerating their height difference. "Oh, yeah? Yeah? You were just askin' QUESTIONS? Yeah, why the fuck do ya need to know if I feel ASHAMED and shit? Huh? Why the hell would ya need to KNOW that?!"

Here came the difficult part. Lying. Which Taka was... Not particularly skilled in. (First, attraction to men, now he was lying... He was soiling his title as a moral compass so badly because of this cursed realization!) "I was merely attempting to educate myself on the struggles of being in the LGBT+ community!"

"BullSHIT," Mondo growled, his eyes narrowing. "I saw all yer notes, you did all that on yer OWN!"

"Why were you looking at my notes?!"

"'Cause I was bored and you were outta yer room, dipshit, now don't avoid the fuckin' subject!!"

"I wanted a personal interview with someone who had first-hand-"

"Nah, nah, NAH, you've done yer 'personal interview' bullshit with me BEFORE, and ya ALWAYS bring a tape recorder to listen back to! Stop fuckin' LYIN', just admit you think I'm fuckin' GROSS!"

"I can't stop lying!! I can't tell you the truth!!" Taka's mind and mouth were on autopilot now, his conscious not fully aware of what he was saying, mostly just focusing on the burning tears in his eyes, because this would all be so much easier if he just _didn't like men_...

"WHY THE FUCK NOT?! You came here to apologize or whatever the SHIT but ya CAN'T EVEN TELL ME THE GODDAMN TRUTH?! Yer apology don't mean SHIT if you ain't TRUTHFUL 'bout it!! So TELL ME why the FUCK you said all that fucked-up SHIT!!"

Taka pressed his hands to his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, his chest tightening. "I really cannot tell you the truth, Mondo!"

"There ain't NOTHING WORSE that you can tell me than what I already FUCKIN' THINK it was, so fucking TELL ME!!"

"I WON'T!"

  
"TELL ME WHY THE FUCK YOU SAID THAT!!"

"I CAN'T!!"

" _TELL ME WHY THE FUCK YOU TOLD ME I WAS WRONG FOR LIKIN' BOYS, THEN FUCKIN' LEFT ME!!!_ "

" _BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!"_

_... Fuck._

That was a word Taka tried to stay away from. Even in his head. But it was all he could think.

He opened his eyes, and stared at the floor, unable to make himself look at Mondo's face. His hands trembled, still covering his ears, and he tried to talk but he couldn't get enough breath.

"... Ya... Love me?"

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK._

He couldn't run away, because Mondo was in front of the door. He felt the scorching-hot tears fall down his cheeks as he tried his hardest to just _breathe_ , such a deceptively simple-seeming thing, to breathe. Because it was out, somebody _knew_ , and it wasn't just somebody, it was _Mondo_ , his best friend, and he couldn't turn back to before he was safe and cozy in the closet, because he _knew_ , and his life was ruined. His life was ruined, his life was ruined, he was never going to get anything he had dreamed of and worked so hard for because he felt a disgusting version of what he _should_ feel towards a woman towards a man, and it was one out of three, one out of three, one out of three, oneoutofthreeoneoutofthree-

He lurched into Mondo's chest without thinking, trying so hard to breathe as he wrapped his hands hard around his friend's waist, looking for something, anything to stabilize him. And Mondo squeezed him back, even harder, so hard that Taka felt himself unable to tremble, unable to have his body shake with the effort to calm down.

_Pressure... Firm... Stable... Mondo... Safe._

_Safe. Safe. Safe._

_I don't have to put up an act to be safe._

Taka, like usual, didn't know how much time had passed before his breaths deepened and the scared tears stopped coming, but the time came eventually. But he didn't want Mondo to let go of him. He didn't want to have to back away, and feel the heat of his skin fade away, and have to face his awkward expression. He'd rather stay there, in Mondo's arms, being kept safe. And Mondo let him. But he talked.

"SHIT- ME TOO- I MEAN-" Mondo tried again, repeating, "Me too, fuck," his voice quieter.

Despite himself, despite knowing that this _couldn't_ happen, couldn't be a thing, Taka felt himself take in a sharp inhale and his eyes widen as his heart beat impossibly fast, but no longer from anxiety. He pressed his face harder into Mondo's chest for a moment, trying to hide his flushed face, but that immediately backfired and made his blushing worse (because Mondo's PECS, Lord help him).

"What is it we are going to do now?" Taka asked, feeling his voice go naturally quiet to match Mondo's volume.

"Uh, I dunno, was kinda hoping we COULD BE B- fuck, sorry, we could be boyfriends or... Something??"

Hearing the words made Taka want to cry again, but he was officially exhausted of crying and panicking. He could hardly even put most of the usual energy into his tone. "I cannot."

"Hah? Why not?"

Taka struggled to put his thoughts into words, his hands fisting Mondo's jacket. "My future- your future, too... If word gets out, the Ishimaru name... It'll only become more..."

"Ay. This ain't like yer grandfather's thing."

"But other people will _see it_ to be like my 'grandfather's thing'. And... And it feels like it is. So... It's easier to just... Just pretend..."

"And what? Make yourself miserable and pretend yer whole life? That ain't worth it."

"A prime minister... With a wife and biological kids. That is the only future I have ever known. How am I supposed to accomplish everything I have been preparing for if one out of three people will not accept me as a leader, simply on the basis of my sexuality?"

"Hey." Mondo moved just enough so he could look Taka in the face, while still hugging him. "You're the smartest person I've ever known, ever. When ya practice yer speeches to me, I wanna _believe_ what yer sayin'. You could say that the sky is red, and I would think, 'Yeah, that sounds about right.'" Taka chuckled, and Mondo grinned back. "S'like ya said, you've been preparing your whole life for this, and it really fuckin' shows. Yer gonna change a _fuckton_ of minds, and I know that you're gonna accomplish yer dream, _easy_ , even if you're-"

Taka bristled in his spot, his eyes widening with panic. "No, please-!" He looked away, embarrassed that he had panicked. "Please don't... Call me that."

"Are ya not? You bi like me?"

"No... No. I am not." He swallowed hard. "I am. I am what you were going to call me. But I- I don't want to say or... Hear..."

"A'ight. I get it."

"... Do you... Mean everything you said? About my dream?"

"Wouldn't have said it if I don't fuckin' believe it with my whole chest! And, like, I _get_ it, I ain't tryna pressure you into dating me or whatever. But, fuck, I don't want you to make yourself miserable like ya always do! Not with this!"

Taka was about to protest the point about always making himself miserable, but he felt Mondo's hand in his hair, and he instantly forgot what he was going to say. He felt his face soften, and he didn't even try to stop it, staring up at Mondo's concerned expression, which he got the feeling he wasn't even trying to hide either.

"Yer always puttin' your future before yourself. For the 'greater good' of your life or whatever. But not _everythin'_ ya do has to be for that! Just..." Mondo huffed, and rubbed his thumb along the back of Taka's neck. "What do you, as ya are _now_ , want?"

The answer came easily. "I want you, Mondo!"

Mondo's face flushed until it was a bright red, and he moved his hand from the back of Taka's neck to his face, trying to hide his blush. "Fuck."

Taka grinned so hard that it hurt, and he knew that he probably had the biggest heart-eyes in the world at that moment, but he found it hard to care about that. "Ah..." His grin faded just slightly. "Please. If we are to become... Romantic partners! We must keep it a secret between us! Just... For now! Until I'm ready..."

Mondo let his hand fall from his face, even though he was still blushing, with a soft expression. "Yeah. 'Course."

Taka threw himself back firmly into Mondo's chest, giggling, and Mondo spun him around once, twice, both of them ending up laughing at the top of their lungs.

* * *

They sat together at lunch the next day, of course. But this time, the two of them kept the arm closer to the other at their side as they talked and ate, sometimes bumping their hands together.

After everyone had finished eating, and Leon was telling a story so nobody had to actively talk, Mondo bumped Taka's hand, deliberately brushing their fingers together. When Taka perked up and glanced at him, Mondo's face was getting redder, but he refused to look back. Taka grinned a bit, and brushed their fingers together himself, and Mondo immediately hid his face in his free hand, which made Taka's smile widen. They kept doing that, back and forth, until, eventually, Mondo locked their pinkies together. That actually made Taka blush, and he immediately glanced away from Mondo, avoiding his gaze, but didn't pull away. And he knew Mondo couldn't look at him, but he certainly wasn't pulling away either.

Their pinkies stayed locked underneath the table for the rest of lunch. A secret just for the two of them.

* * *

While Mondo and Taka left lunch together, Leon and Chihiro did, as well.

"I had never wanted to tease anyone so badly in my LIFE, Chi," Leon complained through gritted teeth, clenching his fists to exaggerate his point. " _NEVER_. I _SWEAR_."

Chihiro smiled thankfully. "I know. They are... Uh, obvious."

"Obvious doesn't even BEGIN to cover it! They practically had HEARTS over their heads!!!" Leon groaned. "I cannot BELIEVE I let you talk me into promising not to tease them!"

"You know why it's important that-"

"Yeah, yeah, coming out's an important step that someone's gotta take on their own, being outed can be traumatizing, act surprised when it happens, blah, blah, blah," Leon echoed, making a 'talking' motion with his hand. "But JESUS..." He rubbed his face.

"Hehe... If nothing else, it was sweet, though, wasn't it...?"

"So sweet that I nearly gagged." Leon stuck his tongue out. "Ugh, this is a pain. But, yeah, fine, whatever. Least Mondo's happy."

"That's the spirit!"

* * *

Mondo was able to switch it on and off easily, thankfully, but he did give Taka petnames. He'd instantly begun to imitate how other bikers referred to their sweethearts, calling Taka 'babe' the first chance he had gotten. Taka didn't do the same; he just called Mondo by his name over and over. He said he didn't want to cheat himself out of a single syllable anymore, after so long of just calling Mondo 'bro'. Which was so goddamn sweet it might-as-well have been a petname.

Obviously, Mondo wasn't about to let himself become sappy or nothing like that. It already felt sappy and vulnerable _enough_ that he admitted he was in love with Taka. (Even if he didn't actually directly say the words a ton. Especially compared to Taka, who said 'I love you' sometimes just to see Mondo blush. Mondo was only really able to say it when Taka really needed to hear it from him. Otherwise, it was mostly 'me too's in response to Taka's declarations. If Taka noticed, he didn't say anything, and thank God for small favors.)

But, still, yeah. Sometimes, he slipped.

He was scrolling on his phone when he had noticed an advertisement for a book on a topic Taka was interested in. He perked up from where he was sitting, and called, "Hey, sugar, come check this out."

It took a long moment for Mondo to register why Taka's face had suddenly gone pink and a huge grin had spread across his face, but, when he did, he burst out into nervous laughter, his hand resting on the back of his neck. "THAT'S A NEW ONE, HUH?!"

Taka chuckled, and his blush faded. He got over embarrassment quickly, like he always did. "Yes! It definitely is, Mondo!"

Only Taka could make his name sound as sappy as 'my beloved' or some shit.

* * *

Gay men were sexual, predatory, and dangerous, and love between two men was nothing more than confusion or a defect. That was what Taka had been taught. There was only one type of love; between a man and a woman. And between a man and a woman, there were only a select few ways to show love; a kiss, or a wedding.

But Mondo was teaching him that there were so many ways to love. More ways than Taka had ever realized.

Love could be helping Mondo study to get his grades up, even when Taka knew the material like the back of his hand. Love could be Mondo putting on a helmet to stop Taka from worrying himself sick, even when he knew he'd get made fun of for it. Love could be patching Mondo up after a fight. Love could be Mondo reading out of Taka's favorite history textbook to help Taka sleep, even though Mondo _hated_ history. And love could be Mondo chuckling and scratching the back of his head with a bright-red blush burning his cheeks, reminding Taka that, yes, Mondo was just as nervous, inexperienced, and in love as he was.

At its best, it felt warm. Warm, and comforting, and pure, the way only young love could feel. At its best, Taka felt like screaming at the top of his lungs that this wonderful man was his BOYFRIEND, that Mondo Oowada was in love with Kiyotaka Ishimaru, that they were in love with _each other_ and they were so happy together, and isn't that so amazing?!

At its worst, it felt dirty. Dirty, and tainted, and dangerous. And Taka didn't even want Mondo to look at him during those times. And those times were hard, so hard, because he couldn't take back anything he had done. He couldn't un-love Mondo. And he wished he could go back to the time before he knew, so he could comfort himself with the image of his future as prime minister, with a wife and children, as certain as anything.

But, as days passed, he stopped looking away when other queer classmates talked about their identities. As weeks passed, he found himself able to chuckle along instead of flinching whenever Aoi cracked a joke about 'same-sex marriage not being legal yet, but Makoto and Togami are practically already married!' And, as months passed... The worst times came less.

He was finally in an environment where he didn't have to put up an act to be safe. And, sometimes, when he was feeling particularly confident, he imagined the day he would finally close the curtains on his act for the final time.

* * *

Mondo knew Taka sometimes struggled with the thought of love between dudes being 'dirty' or whatever. And yeah, he knew why. They lived in a society, or whatever the fuck. But one of the most 'wholesome' memories Mondo had, not only of their relationship, but just in _general_ , was their first kiss.

It was when Mondo was walking Taka back from one of their 'dates that could pass as _not_ a date if somebody asked', and Taka was rambling (no, wait, 'infodumping', that's the word Taka used for when autistic people did this) about politics; something he'd researched the other night, and the percentage of who believes what, and, oh, it's really quite facinating, Mondo! And Mondo had to be looking at Taka with the biggest loser heart-eyes in the world, watching him flap his hands and the bounce in his step as he walked, before he muttered out, "Fuck, I wanna kiss ya so bad."

He thought he had said it quietly enough that Taka wouldn't hear, but Taka stopped in his tracks and his face went red, so, yeah, mission failed. Before Mondo could start yelling out of nerves, Taka had taken him by his hand, and had started to drag him to the baseball park they had been passing by without a word, which was empty, due to the time. Taka pulled him behind and underneath the bleachers, and they were just big enough for Taka to sit comfortably, but Mondo had to bend his back over a bit in order to fit underneath.

Then Taka stared at him. And Mondo stared back.

Taka blushed again, his stare growing more intense. "Well, then, don't let me stop you!"

"Hah?"

Taka continued to look at him expectantly, pouting a bit now.

"... Oh! Agh- uh, I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE! I'M GONNA BE SHIT!" He swallowed and forced himself to take a breath. Down, boy. Calm down.

Taka's voice rose to match Mondo's in volume. "I DO NOT MIND!"

"Fuck." Mondo had to consciously make sure he wasn't yelling at the top of his damn lungs, and, even then, his voice was louder than usual. "Uh. Okay, then."

He flexed his fingers at his sides, before bringing his hands up to Taka's face, and he instantly leaned into it with a pleased little hum, and Jesus fuck, how was this boy so damn cute? How was _his_ boy so damn cute?!

"M'gonna kiss you now!" Mondo blurted out.

Taka laughed. "Okay!"

Mondo ended up freezing up out of nerves only a few inches away from Taka, so Taka had to be the one to close the gap, making that pleased little humming sound again. And, Mondo didn't know about Taka, but this was his first kiss (because he was an actual fucking disaster at romance, how the _fuck_ did he manage to woo Taka?!), so he just kind of went with his gut and did what felt good. He tried to pull away after a few seconds, too nervous, but Taka fucking _followed him_ , and made a little upset almost-whine noise when their lips parted, and he was so damn cute that Mondo went back and kissed Taka first this time. After the second kiss, though, Mondo managed to pull himself away for good this time, and, thank God, because that could have kept going on for forever, and Mondo would like to have dinner sometimes this week.

The two of them stared at each other, and, thankfully, this time Mondo wasn't the only one blushing like a moron.

"... Okay," Mondo eventually said.

"Okay," Taka parroted back.

Mondo snorted, Taka giggled, and then they both started laughing, leaning onto each other, pecking kisses onto each other's lips in the spaces in between bouts of laughter.

Mondo didn't have dinner until really late that night.

* * *

Mondo felt like kinda a fraud sometimes. Taka always went on and on about how amazing and inspirational he was for being so proud, which was a concept that, despite everything, Taka still had trouble grasping. But, nah. He still hadn't actually come out to everyone important in his life. And, yeah. Maybe he wanted Taka to be there, to show him it wasn't that bad and reassure him and shit.

"Would ya ever wanna meet my gang?" Mondo asked one day.

Taka furrowed his eyebrows, then glanced away, before smiling awkwardly. "Are they... Like you...?"

Yeah, that translated to 'are they delinquent troublemakers or can I actually trust them'. Mondo waved a hand. "Don't worry, they only treated Daiya's girls with the upmost respect. Somethin' about a king's queen bein' treated well, too."

"Wait. It would be as your... Partner?"

"Uh, yeah. S'what I had in mind. Ya don't gotta, obviously."

Mondo expected Taka to totally shoot down the idea with no hesitation once he knew that. So he was surprised when Taka paused. "... They... Know you like men. Yes?"

Mondo sucked in air through his teeth, before going into, "Well, 'know' is a bit of a _strong_ word-"

"Mondo."

"I _knowww_ , babe, but they were _Daiya's_ gang! And Daiya was, like, super cool with queer shit! And they're all punk as hell, and that shit, is like, the _gayest_ movement ever!"

Taka paused again. "They do not know anyone from our school. Correct?"

"Just me, baby."

Taka looked away, considerate, before muttering, "Perhaps... That could be alright... As a first time. So long as they don't tell anyone..." He looked back to Mondo. "I am just surprised you are not out to everyone!"

Mondo gave Taka a lopsided grin. "Yeah... The fear fades. But it never completely goes away, I guess."

"Yes it does! Watch this!" Taka leaned over and pressed a kiss to Mondo's cheek.

"FUCK YEAH!" Mondo threw his hands up and jumped to his feet, going along with Taka's joke. "I'M GONNA GO SCREAM FROM THE SCHOOL'S ROOFTOP ABOUT HOW FUCKIN' _BI_ I AM!! _WHOO_!!"

He hurt his throat a bit from how loud he yelled, but, yeah, it was worth it to see Taka laugh so loud he snorted.

* * *

As it turned out, 'perhaps that could be alright' translated to a few months later, time-wise, while they were on vacation. After Taka had managed to scrounge up the money to buy _every fuckin' gang member_ a goddamn _helmet_ and fit them all in a backpack. Because of course he had to. (But Mondo only thought that in the fondest way imaginable.)

Because of that 'trying to fit over 10 helmets into a bag' venture, Mondo was a bit late to the Crazy Diamond's meeting, and, while that was nothing particularly new, that meant that everyone else was there, so they didn't have any excuse to wait before introducing Taka as Mondo's boyfriend. And Mondo knew that Taka knew this because, when he tried to get off his motorcycle, he couldn't, because Taka was gripping his middle so hard. He nudged him softly, and Taka jerked back, holding his hands up. "Sorry!"

Mondo snickered, but Taka's apology had gotten all eyes on him while Mondo went to park his motorcycle. "Ay, who's the funny little man?" one of the gang members barked at Mondo's back as he took off his helmet.

  
"I am hardly little!" Taka protested, his confident posture immediately returning. "I am 5'8! That is two inches above the-"

Before Taka could start rambling, Mondo came up from behind him and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. Taka brought his own arm to wrap around Mondo's in return, grinning, before his gaze returned to the group of scary-ass gang members staring at him put his hands on their leader, and his grin turned too-wide and panicked.

Oh, yeah, that reminded him. "Y'all better treat 'im with _RESPECT_ , a'ight?! The king's guest gets treated as well as the king, yeah?! And-" He gave a quick glance to Taka, with a questioning look. Taka was prepared for it, because he nodded, even though he looked so nervous he would just about pass out. Just in case of that, he tightened his grip around Taka's shoulders, before continuing, "Especially because this funny little man is my funny little boyfriend!" And, even if Taka's nervousness was a little contagious, he couldn't keep the pride out of his voice, because how could he _not_?

As he had expected (and, come to think of it, probably should have warned Taka about) the gang members all jumped to get closer, surrounding the two, and staring at Taka with a critical eye, as they had done with Daiya's girlfriends. The sudden movements spooked Taka so bad he jumped, and he bowed quickly. "Hello! I am Kiyotaka Ishimaru, but you may call me Taka! I am very pleased to meet you all!" He perked up. "Oh!! And I came bearing gifts!" He placed his backpack onto the ground, and brought out one of the many helmets for examination. "Mondo told you all do _not_ follow proper motorcycle safety! So, to go with the one I got for Mondo, I got one for each of you! They even have each of your initials on them inside so they will not get mixed up with each other's!"

They all continued to stare for a good moment; half of them at Taka, and half of them at the helmet he was holding; before, eventually, one of them said, in a questioning tone, "Mom of the Crazy Diamonds?"

"... Pardon?" Taka said, with a tiny, nervous smile.

"Mom of the Crazy Diamonds!" another gang member agreed, with a nod and a grin.

"... Wait, no-"

But the gang had burst into discussion already about their new 'mom', before Taka could retract his title.

Mondo laughed, and slung his arm around Taka's shoulder. "Relax, babe, they like ya!!"

"But- but I don't want to be a 'parent' of a _biking gang_!!"

"Well, maybe ya should've thought about that before fallin' in love with biking gang leader!"

Taka hummed nervously, apparently forgetting his worries about coming out for the first time in favor of his worries about being the honorary 'mom' of a gang.

... Oh, yeah. They'd both just come out, hadn't they?

Mondo grinned, and squeezed Taka's shoulder. "So, that wasn't as bad as ya thought it was, yeah?"

"What wasn't as-? Oh." Taka's expression turned to one of shock, then happiness. "Oh!!" He started to bounce on his heels. "Oh!! Mondo! I just came out! And it was on _purpose_ this time!!"

"Fuck yeah, sure was!"

Mondo chuckled as Taka pressed his head up underneath his, snuggling up underneath his chin, before he suddenly backed away, looking at Mondo with both hands on Mondo's arms. "Oh!! Are you alright? It was my first time coming out, but they are _your_ gang!"

"I'm fine! Ya don't gotta worry 'bout me."

He was more than fine. Because he couldn't shake the feeling that the Crazy Diamonds accepting him felt a lot like... Like his big brother was accepting him, somehow. But if he tried to say that, or explain it, he _knew_ he'd start crying, and probably really obnoxiously loudly, so he decided to save it for later.

"Ay, what about you? Was worried you were going to pass out there for a sec."

Taka's grin got even wider, and, as intense as the red of his eyes was, in that moment, it was easily overshadowed by the happiness reflected in them.

"I've never felt more at peace with myself."

****

* * *

**_Eucatastrophe (n.) A sudden and favorable resolution of events in a story; a happy ending_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL WERE SO NICE IN THE COMMENTS OF THE LAST CHAPTER??? Excuse me while I just??? Cry??????
> 
> So, anyways, back on track! This was my first time writing these characters, and also my first multichapter fanfiction in over 5 years, but I worked a ton on it so I hope you all enjoyed! Leave a comment, so on and so forth, you guys know the drill.
> 
> Oh, and if anyone is looking through the 'internalized homophobia' tag to cope with their own internalized homophobia, like I do sometimes? I see you, I care about you, and who you love is not a bad thing. Learning pride is hard, but you'll get there eventually!


End file.
